Life is hard, but you don't have to be

While I am definitely a proponent of positivity, let's just get this out there in the open: <strong>Life can be hard</strong>. And sometimes the people around us can be mean, cruel, and heartless. I have found that the more I observe society today, the more intentional I have to be at keeping my heart open and genuinely caring. (That's the polite way to say that the more I observe other people's hard-heartedness, the more I have to guard against my own heart becoming hard.) Hardness of heart is a condition that people develop when they shut out love, hope,  and a genuine concern for others. Pharaoh had it. The nation of Israel did, on occasion. The Pharisees in Christ's time specialized in it. That's not exactly great company. Pride, stubbornness, and rebellion will most definitely lead us down the path of hard-heartedness, but the inevitable pain and suffering we feel can experience can take us there as well. Though shutting off our heart is a way of dealing with pain, it ultimately leads to more suffering or, worse yet, not feeling anything all. <h4>What are the early warning signs of a hard heart?</h4> <ol> <li><strong>Indifference</strong>: You stop genuinely caring.</li> <li><b>Criticism</b>: You find fault with others, blaming them for your circumstances.</li> <li><strong>Detachment</strong>: You stop connecting with others or feeling much at all.</li> <li><strong>Apathy</strong>: You have little concern for others, nor any passion for life.</li> <li><strong>Hardened</strong>: You have closed off your heart, unwilling to let love in or believe the best about people.</li> </ol> <h4>How does it happen?</h4> <ol> <li><strong>A focus on patterns, not peopl</strong>e. Humans tend to behave in certain predictable ways. We all have flaws and are prone to make mistakes. When we look for perfection in others, we will always come up short. Focusing on these tendencies in others can lead to discouragement, but it's important to remind ourselves that these patterns are part of the human condition and can lead to greater understanding and awareness.</li> <li><strong>The result of over-protecting a broken heart</strong>. Someone broke a promise. A loved one betrayed you. Expectations were not met or a hope was destroyed. Sadly, that's just life. It happens to everyone. Some people will fail us. But, how we respond to these inevitabilities is critical. Wanting to shield a broken heart is understandable, but to stop trusting, to stop loving, to stop believing in the overall goodness of mankind is a mistake.</li> </ol> Do yourself a favor and stop telling yourself that life is supposed to be fair. It isn't. Life isn't fair and it isn't easy, at least, not on this earth, in our current finite space and time. I know of no promise that it would be. But, that's not cause to lose hope. In fact, it's quite the opposite. There is a purpose for adversity, and you can use it for your good. Still, when stuck in the muck and mire of life, one can begin to become hardened. Think of adjectives or objects that are hard. I think of cold or frozen. Steel is cold; ice is frozen. One is naturally hard and one has become hardened. Their opposites are soft and hot, like a flame. Fire is fluid, warm, and moving. It also provides light. Think of where you are and which you would rather be. Do not allow the trials of life to harden you. Keep the flame of light and hope burning within. If your flame has died down, ignite the fire of hope and purpose within your heart and soul. Rise up and be a light to others. Find goodness and meaning in everything, and share it with others. In doing so, your flame will burn brighter and brighter until that perfect day, where eventually you will gain wisdom and treasures beyond our earthly understanding. Hold onto faith. Keep looking up. Therein lies your strength and purpose in your journey through life. Now, a word of caution. When you progress and grow and start to figure things out, when the truth begins to awaken within you--and perhaps, especially then--adversity will still rear its ugly head in this world where there is pain, confusion, greed, evil, hard-heartedness, disease, and fear. These conditions have differing degrees of negative energetic attraction. It is so easy to get sucked into these invisible vortexes of negative energy that seem to be ever-trying to lure us in. When you find yourself being pulled into it, notice it, without judgment, and be prepared to take swift action. There's no need to beat yourself up for having found yourself there, but certainly don't give in to the dark side! When you find yourself there, quickly learn what you can from it, then be assertive in taking action to turn away from it and back to a source of light and strength, renewing yourself, and lifting yourself up by whatever means necessary. <em>What are those means?</em>, you might be asking. There are many self-help tools available to anyone searching. You'll find plenty here at everydaybetterandbetter.com. A quick internet search will yield more than you can possibly employ at one time. You literally have a worldwide library of information available at all times. Use it wisely. I won't suggest that all you need to do is think positive thoughts though, overall, that would help tremendously to get out of the dark and live in the light. But, I do suggest you learn to use your agency wisely. You have the God-given gift of free will to choose something better, even when things seem dark and hopeless, to call upon the light, to open up the windows of your soul and let the sun/Son in, to choose hope, and to move forward in faith, no matter how hard it is. There are tools available to help one escape darkness and return to the light side of things. While it is wonderful when others see our need and help us, <em>expecting</em> others to do for us what we ought to be doing for ourselves, can easily set us up for failure and disappointment, and put them in a position to come up short. I have created this website for the purpose of sharing self-help tools to overcome adversity. When you know what to do and feel confident in taking inspired action, you will learn to more easily avoid these swirling vortexes of negativity all around you. While they are present in life, and you may find you have been pulled in, it doesn't have to be permanent and it doesn't have to be debilitating. Choose to take purposeful action to invite in light and create something better than where you are in this moment. It means never giving up, never giving in to the cold darkness. There is no "one size fits all" solution for getting yourself out of a negative funk. What works for one person may not work for the next. What works beautifully for you one time may not be as effective in a different situation. That is why we must be ever learning and and seeking, gaining wisdom and experience, seeking the tools and knowledge that will effectively heal our hearts and homes. There are many truths that have been revealed. There are numerous tools available that have worked for others. Seek them, find them, learn how to use them. Create a self-help tool box, fill it up, and use it often. You are going to need it. And be ready. Just when you think you've got it all figured out and that you can overcome anything, something new will rear its ugly head. While you are on a quest for happiness and peace, remember that you are still a warrior nonetheless. There will always be new and stronger foes of negativity and despair lurking around the corner. When you let down your guard, when you stop trying, you may find yourself on that slippery slope that leads to misery and suffering. Negativity has a way of causing us to forget, to become so overwhelmed that we feel like giving up. We forget to use our self-help tools or that we even have them. Do what you must to ensure that you remember them and use them every time you need them. (Sign up to receive my e-book, The Ultimate Guide to Self-Help  ...) The bottom line is: stay out of victim mentality. No one ever won the game of life from a victim perspective. Ultimately, we choose what role we play in life ... victim, survivor, or thriver. Choose to thrive! Life is hard and that's ok. Remember who you are. Remember what you've learned. Remember that you are not alone. There are resources available, always ready to assist. There are many tools that raise awareness, lift you up, and shift you out of negativity. But, you must remain vigilant. You must choose to live in the light. You must remain aware and you must remember to use those tools.