4 things to ask yourself before getting offended

Nov 14, 2021

If you haven't read or heard something offensive lately, then you may not be reading or listening to ongoing conversations on social media. Good for you if you have already learned to turn off the noise and stay focused on what matters most. However, if you have any interaction with social media, then you have likely been subjected to a myriad of voices and opinions, some you might even find shocking or offensive. Perhaps you have acquaintances, friends, or even family members that like to stir the proverbial pot! Some people really do like pushing people's buttons, but many times, people just don't know how to use discernment and often say things without realizing how offensive they have been. I personally like to "check the pulse" of groups of people, both like-minded and contrary to my beliefs, to see what is happening in the world. What are people talking about? What critical issues have been brought to the forefront? What do the people around me believe? What do my loved ones feel strongly about? Where are we headed as a society? I love our current ability to engage in nationwide conversations about issues that matter to the country, as a whole. I personally like to pray for others and so I look for those who are in need of prayers and support. I also like to spread light and hope to others. While there are those I follow who enjoy the same, there are, sadly, plenty of others who seem to lose all inhibition from their comfortable place of anonymity behind a keyboard. Some will outright tell you to your face what they think of you or your beliefs, while others take it upon themselves to play the role of critic, judge, or social justice warrior, feeling the need to look for injustice (even where it doesn't exist) and call people out for their perceived offenses. How quickly we have gotten to a place where civil discourse is severely lacking in politeness and grace. In the current political and social climate, it is easy to make things personal and take or give offense. But, truly, what purpose does that serve? The fruits of choosing to be offended are defensiveness, retaliation, victim mentality, and a total loss of propriety, none of which are admirable or helpful. If you have a teen or young adult child, you know what I'm talking about. It's so easy to take offense at their responses to your caring inquiries. Before you take offense, though, first ask yourself these four questions: Is it true? Is there any truth to what they are saying? Are you judging others? Are you being unkind? Are you being selfish? Are you willing to be open and honest enough to examine your own opinions? If we genuinely want to be open and honest, we have to begin with ourselves. We don't need to judge ourselves harshly either, we only need to look honestly at what we are proclaiming and how we are behaving. If a change is necessary, let it begin with ourselves. We can't hold anyone to a standard that we aren't willing to uphold ourselves. I think it's also important to note that there is your truth, my truth, and the truth. THE truth is eternal truth. It always is and always will be. The sun shines in the sky every day is the truth. If you live in sunny Florida, that will be your truth much of the time. If you live in Alaska, that might not be your truth most of the time. Things look different from different perspectives. I find it helpful to look at things from an eternal or Godly perspective. A pebble held right in front of my eye looks really large and impedes my view, but when I cast it to the ground, it's so small, I can hardly see it. Here's another example. If someone says something to you or about you that is simply not true, then it is enough to tell them is it not true. But if they refuse to believe you, then understand that it is their view of life that precludes them from seeing the truth. You have no control over that. Simply agree to disagree, wish them well, and move on. And if you choose to take someone else's misperception personally, then you are simply looking to be offended. Look for underlying false or limiting beliefs that may be hidden beneath the surface. What are you choosing to believe that isn't true or doesn't serve you? You can't change with others think, but you certainly have the power to change what you think! Is it necessary to respond? Often, those who make egregious statements and highly inflammatory remarks are literally trying to stir the pot and elicit an emotional response. They are trying to push buttons and gain the upper hand. They are looking for a way to catch you and make a fool of you. They don't care about your feelings or even the truth. There is no winning in these kinds of interactions. People see what they seek. Until they decide to look for the good, for the truth, or for a way to make a positive difference, you are just spinning your wheels, playing their game, and wasting time sparring with someone who doesn't know better or doesn't care. If they stopped getting responses, they would change their approach. This must work to some degree or they wouldn't be doing it. Don't play the game. No one wins. Someone who is truly interested in the truth will be open to another's opinion and will leave out harsh judgments and accusations. By all means, engage in respectful discussions. Be genuinely curious. But, the minute someone starts judging and throwing out accusations, just smile, excuse yourself, and move on. Choosing not to engage is a powerful choice. Is it useful? Being offended is never really useful. But, if we are willing to examine the thought with an open mind and looks for ways we can improve, then that would be useful. This question is especially helpful for our own thought processes. Is thinking "I am fat" particularly useful? If it spurs you towards loving kindness and caring enough about yourself to change your eating habits or start exercising then, perhaps, it is useful. But, if the thought causes you to berate and condemn yourself and sink into depression or despair, then that's not useful at all. Let it go. If what you just heard is an uncomfortable thought, but after an honest examination, it causes you to admit you might be wrong or that there's room for improvement, then it is useful. Is it a reflection of me or of them? What others say is a reflection of them ... their experiences, emotions, and perceptions. What you say to others (including your own response to someone else's words or actions) is a reflection of your thoughts, emotions, and experiences. What others say and do is their stuff. How you respond to what others say and do is your stuff. When you interact with others, you can choose to listen and acknowledge that you heard them, but you don't have to accept what they are saying as your truth. In other words, you don't have to take it personally. People don't always intend to offend. It is our choice to allow their words to matter to us. The easiest way to feel inadequate is to take what others say or do and give it meaning in our lives. Even if someone truly does have negative intent, you still get to choose your response. You could ignore it, give them the benefit of the doubt, or address it confidently, without making it mean anything, OR you can choose an angry or hurtful response. How to be sure? Take a step back, create some distance. Ask yourself what thought or emotion their comment brought up. Did what they say just reinforce an insecurity within you? (remember, that's YOUR stuff) Can you REALLY be sure that an offense was intended? If you need to know, ask them directly. Put yourself in their shoes. Is what they said a reflection of what is happening inside them? It may not have anything to do with you.They might truly just be having a bad day and you happened upon them at the wrong time. If you're in a place where you want to take the higher road, forgive them instantly and ask how they are feeling. Many times, they will feel sorrow for their behavior towards you. And they will know that they have a true friend in you. Ultimately, choose to give others the benefit of the doubt. Everyone struggles. We all carry sorrows that the eye can't see. Wish others well and go about trying to do good in the world. Be the change you wish to see in the world. This kind of change happens one person at a time. Start with YOU!

Wipe the slate clean... literally!

Sep 17, 2020

Ever have those days when you feel surrounded by cloudy thoughts because the alerts in your mind are pinging you and you haven't been able to turn them off? Yesterday, I had so many alerts going off that it triggered both sad and angry thoughts that had built up over time. There was simply too much happening that day and I never had the chance to address the frustrations. Today, I woke up feeling like I was wrapped in a cloud of despair and hopelessness ... NOT my normal M.O. My mood is optimistic and stable on most days, but yesterday's events triggered those nagging little grievances from the past and it all came flooding back like a raging storm that came out of nowhere. Truth be told, it's health insurance that triggered it. Having no employer benefits available, our insurance options have become so limited. The Affordable Care ACT is ANYTHING BUT affordable ... thanks, Obama! Oh, don't get me started. We've had to resort to a health sharing organization that isn't actually insurance and the rate is increasing in October by 50%! So, I found a local health insurance agent and, while our option are very limited, she did find something worth applying for. But, as we moved forwarded, there was roadblock after roadblock and all those angry thoughts that had been quieted, but weren't actually gone, started surfacing. I've learned not to keep it in, so my husband got to hear the brunt of it, and also my sweet, new agent, but both were sympathetic. The point is that it just opened the floodgates of thoughts that bombarded me all evening. Frustrations that I've held for eighteen years came up. Even God received some of my wrath. Thank the heavens for their patience with our mortal complaints! I couldn't think past all these sad and frustrating grievances. Don't you love the nature of the pesky little thought bombs? They just explode and things come up from as far back as your childhood. Victim mentality takes over and soon you find yourself sitting at your desk in despair and hopelessness. (Yeah, it's a little dramatic, but it's the human condition.) Being a coach, I have dozens of tools at my disposal, so I got to work. Ok, Trudy, take some deep breaths. Yeah, that's better. But, I still feel like crying. I start reasoning with myself. "You know, if you want help, you'e going to have to go to your highest trusted source that loves you no matter what." Fine. I kneel down to say a prayer asking that the darkness I am feeling be transformed by light and truth. I ask for my home to be cleansed and restored to its normal feeling of light and hope. I ask the same for myself. I sit back in my chair and ask myself, "what do I need to do to clear away these stupid persistent thoughts of feeling sorry for myself and anger towards someone else?" Normally, I would try a brain dump or scribbling out my negative emotions on paper. I turn and look at my whiteboard that has had the same reminders on it for weeks. I decide to erase everything and use my whiteboard to get it all out. Why? So that I wouldn't waste paper! :) I tried erasing with the whiteboard eraser, but the writing on the board had been there so long, it wasn't budging. I tried a wet paper towel, but that wasn't even removing it all. I didn't want to make the effort to go find the Windex, but I finally did, and it worked instantly and perfectly. First, I wrote at everything I was feeling: sad thoughts, angry thoughts, blaming thoughts, victim thoughts. I just keep writing over all the thoughts. I wrote until there was nothing more to say. Then I took a deep breath and assessed my mental condition. I still felt sad and angry, just not as intensely. What next? I wiped away the complaints and then tried connecting with my rational brain. I wrote down all the things I might be doing to cause this: limiting beliefs, blaming, lack of action, poor choices. I tried write with my left hand for a time. I just kept writing on top of the other words. I wrote out calming suggestions. I gave myself some advice. I showed myself some love and compassion even though I was throwing a little bit of a temper tantrum. I scribbled when I felt like it. I just kept writing over and over whatever came to mind until I felt heard and validated. When I felt done, I erased it and asked if there was more. Surprisingly, there was. I repeated the exercise until I felt done. I noticed several shifts in my perspective as I went through this exercise. Things became more and more clear. And eventually, the cloud dissipated and I returned to a calm and rational state. How long did this take? Maybe 15 or 20 minutes. Here's the takeaway from this simple, yet profound experience. Lessons from a Whiteboard Our mind is like a whiteboard. When it comes fresh from the factory, it's clean and clear. It's a space to note thoughts and feelings, to contemplate and work things out, and to express ideas. It's a tool to organize your thoughts and ideas, but it's not a place for them to remain permanently. Your dry erase marker represents the messages or alerts coming in. Your eraser represents your ability to let go. As we write on our whiteboard (or allow others to), we can start to clutter up the space. Once we've figured things out, learned the lesson, worked out a problem, or expressed a feeling, it's time wipe it clean. Keep going back to drawing board until you work things out. File away what's important and let the rest go. There's no need to allow thoughts to stay that aren't useful. They just clutter up the space. If you leave things there for too long, they become stagnant and are harder to wipe away. Try as we might to scrub away the old stuff, we sometimes need a stronger solution to help us. Don't waste time trying to clean up old stuff when you can easily wipe things away with a higher, holier solution. It's easier to keep it clear when you don't get bogged down by too much information. Keep it simple. Prioritize. Focus on what matters most. I'll be developing this technique further to promote it as a daily or weekly practice. My experience this morning (the good, the bad, AND the ugly) not only cleared away the dross in my mind, but it inspired me to write this post and use it for good. And so it is with much of the opposition of our lives. Every challenge presents an opportunity to learn, to grow, to shift, to connect with empathy and compassion, and to become better. Use the tools you have available to practice noticing, acknowledging, and eliminating interfering thought. The medium you use--paper, a whiteboard or chalkboard, your iPad and Apple pencil or even your child's magnetic board--doesn't matter. Remembering to use this method to wipe the slate in your mind clean every day can change awaken the compassion and intelligence within you and change the trajectory of your day, year, or even your life! What's on your slate? Go clean it now!

Throw out your new year's resolutions and try this instead!

Dec 30, 2019

There's something about a new year. The old year is ending and the symbolism of winter reminds us that old things are done away. As a fresh new year approaches, it is a natural tendency to think of all the things we're going to do better. We set new year's resolutions, determined that this year we are going to stick with them ... for real this time! “I'm finally going to lose these 20 pounds.” "I've got to get rid of all this junk once and for all.” “I plan to start working out five times a week!” My son works at gym. For the first two months of a new year, they schedule more employees in anticipation of an influx of member participation, but as February turns into March, they inevitably have to scale back as members lose their resolve and slip back into old habits and patterns. Why is it so hard to stick to our resolutions? Inevitably, most New Year's resolutions tend to serve as reminders of all the things we feel we should be doing, but probably won't. We set unrealistic goals that we're too busy and overwhelmed to accomplish. We try to maintain our resolve. We really do. But, we take on too much, put too much pressure on ourselves, and eventually, something has to give. So we make excuses, we tell ourselves we'll get back to it next week, and before you know it, we've lost all our resolve, accept that we have failed, once again, and tell ourselves "there's always next year." Why do we even set these unachievable standards for ourselves? Is it because we compare ourselves with others and see all the ways in which they are seemingly living the life we are not? Do we feel the need to live up to some sort of societal standard? Or are we simply trying to change too much at one time? Try this instead: Throw out your new year's resolutions, ignore what society thinks you ought to be doing and, instead, focus on better ways of being. We can do this any time, but a new year is a great time to start! How would you like to experience life? Who would you like to become? What one word would describe the transformative change you'd like to accomplish? Now, before you come up with a long list of resolutions again, take a few moments to review your life this last year and look for a theme. Increasing our awareness of the things that we don't want is the first step to determining what we do want. You might find that what you want is quite different or even opposite of what you are currently experiencing and that causes conflict and dissatisfaction. How do you feel about the overall state of your life? What do your relationships look like? Are you happy in your career or do you hate your job, but keeping doing it anyway? Do you enjoy working with your coworkers? Do you get along with your children or spouse? In what ways do you feel you are falling short? What are your beliefs around money? What personal challenges keep showing up? Think about the emotions that are most prevalent in your life. Do you often feel frustrated? Angry? Unsupported? Judgmental or critical? Are you sad, unfulfilled, too busy, or depressed? Do you notice that your relationships are often in conflict? When you are clear about the areas in which you are struggling the most, what one word would you choose that is the opposite of what you are experiencing? Rather than strapping yourself with a handful of resolutions that only serve to make you feel guilty when you can't seem to stick to them, choose a one-word theme that represents an attribute or overall desire that you would like to be present in your life. A few examples: 1. If you notice that you are in constant conflict and it stresses you out, then perhaps what you long for is to be at peace in your inner world and with others. You might want to make PEACE your theme for 2020. How can you have a heart that is at peace? Do you learn to discuss issues with loved ones in more respectful ways? Do you work on less judgment and more acceptance of others? Do you resolve to let go of unrealistic expectations? Do you fill your mind with more peaceful thoughts? As you focus on the feelings, emotions, and benefits of living your life in peace, you will become more acutely aware of all the ways in which you're not experiencing peace. Focus more on BEing at peace. With peace as your new focus for the year, you might notice a more mindful awareness of the things that you are doing that do not bring peace. In contrast, you might also begin to recognize more of the good things that bring peace. You might begin to soften your tone or the words that you speak to others. Maybe you become more willing to offer others a little more grace. You determine to be more kind to yourself. You practice meditating more often. These don't necessarily need to be set as resolutions. Just focus on your vision of a more peaceful life and a better way of BEing and you will naturally begin to do things in more peaceful ways. 2. Another common complaint in our society is that of being overwhelmed. There is so much available to us—more information than we can possibly process and digest, much of it extraneous and unimportant. It's wonderful; it's astounding; it's exciting. But, if we cannot manage it, then it becomes the the enemy of our peace. So if you are in overwhelm, then your focus might be to SIMPLIFY. You could remove apps from your phone, set time limits, or purge your home of unnecessary items. Perhaps you plan simpler or fewer parties or vacations, or drop extracurricular activities. This was my theme for 2017. I cleaned out my emails and set up automatic filing of emails that I wanted to keep, but didn't need to read right now. I unsubscribed from many lists. I deleted files from my computer. I cleaned out my closet and gave things away. I scanned documents that I didn't need to keep and shredded the originals. I stopped saying yes to everything. I used my calendar and reminder apps more effectively. My focus was on simplifying my life. And it helped. Focusing on simplicity brought me greater awareness and more peace than I was experiencing before. 3. Perhaps you have found that you're bored, that life has become stagnant or routine, and you simply want to experience more JOY. That could be your theme. Learn to find joy in all that you do. As you focus on joy, you may find more beauty in your life. Your appreciation for the little things can bring more happiness. You may begin to do more things with a joyful heart, speak in a more joyful tone, or make your routine more joyful through music, audio books, or doing things with others. Perhaps you look for others to serve in joyful ways. 4. If you've found you are complaining a lot and feeling a little sour about life, you could choose a one-word theme of GRATITUDE. (Or go crazy and make it a two-word theme: Be Grateful or a three-word proclamation: I Am Grateful.) You might decide that every day you will look for all the good that is happening in your life. As more good comes and as you focus on more good, you may notice that even more good comes. Maybe you write in a gratitude journal every evening and practice prayers of gratitude. If what you focus on expands, then make sure that your focus is on that which you truly want to invite into your life. Other theme words: Focus, Change, Inspire, Grow, Be, Balance, Prosper, Enough, Present, Forgive, Smile, Learn, Teach, Harmony, Transform, Believe, Connect, Improve, Belong, Strive, Grace, Happy, Fearless, Hope, Commit, Unlimited, Deliberate, Renew, Love, Possibility, Family, Intentional, Elevate, Calm, Consistency, Brave, Bloom, Organize, Energy, Trust, Seek, Build, Flourish, Dream, Purpose, Action, Wisdom, Stillness, Patience, Delight, Laugh, Sparkle, Wholeness, Shift, Imagine, Adventure, Example, Comfort, Give, Rise, Glow, Finish, Explore, Thrive. You may want to pick more than one theme. For example, in 2017, I actually chose two single word themes. Simplify and Listen. I still have the post-it note on my computer monitor, which reminds me to: Create visual reminders Once you've chosen your new year's theme, remind yourself daily by placing notes on your computer, your smart phone home screen, your bathroom mirror, your desk at work, or on the dashboard of your car. Set a daily reminder on your phone. Throughout the year, ponder your word, read articles, take courses, or search the Internet for ways to grow. Meditate or journal about it. You could even pick a theme song to go along with it. Take time each day to create a more mindful awareness. Look at it often throughout the year. As I looked at my one word theme LISTEN, it was a subtle, yet constant, reminder that I wanted to change how I participated in conversations. If I was on the phone or in a session with someone, it helped me be more mindful of listening without judgment. My relationships improved and I felt a lot more charity toward others. Desiring inner peace seems to be a life theme for me, so the annual themes I choose are steps I deem important in attaining my ultimate goal of inner peace. My 2019 Theme: SHINE This past year, I wanted to expand, create, release, lighten up, open up, commit, and grow. The one word that encompassed many of those desires was SHINE, so that has been my theme for 2019. As a result, I have developed and published a website, started a blog, and put myself out there for the world to discover. This new intention gave me the courage and confidence to be willing to step out of my comfort zone of privacy and anonymity and begin to share with others the life-changing principles I have learned through my own life experiences--insights and tools I have found that have lightened my burdens and empowered my life. I wanted to shine the light of hope for others. As a result, this has been a year of breakthroughs, similar to rays of sunlight breaking through the clouds of darkness as I have found new ways to shine my light. My 2020 Theme: TRANSFORM I've decided my theme for 2020 is going to be TRANSFORM. This applies to different aspects of my life: my health, my finances, my business, and my overall well-being. Transform implies a major change in form, nature, or function and that is my wish for the new year. Two meaningful scriptures I have been pondering lately are Romans 12:2, "... be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind" and Ephesians 4:23, "And be renewed in the spirit of your mind." I have been studying the thought process and the critical role our thoughts play in the quality of our lives. This new understanding has guided the way I plan to transform in the new year. I am becoming more mindful of the thoughts that created the feelings that have influenced prior actions (or lack of action), and resulted in the current conditions of my life. By renewing [making new, beginning again, restoring, rebuilding, repairing] my thoughts, I believe I will be endowed with divine support and guidance that can transform all areas of my life into something better. What will your 2020 theme be? Trust your instincts, listen to your inner voice, and let it guide you on your journey this next year as you develop YOUR PLAN to bring more of what you want into BEING. Imagine what your life will be like when you master this desire. Anticipate the feelings of satisfaction and joy that you will experience as your life transforms. May God bless you and your transformative efforts in the new year! Comment to share your 2020 theme!

5 helpful questions to ask when you feel overwhelmed or stuck

Dec 17, 2019

Do you feel overwhelmed or stuck? Have you lost sight of your vision? Does it seem like it is all you can do to just get through the day? These feelings can be caused by habitual ways of thinking or looking at your life that cause a loss of perspective. (Please note: feelings of hopelessness and despair can be signs of serious depression. If so, talk to your doctor right way.) So, how do you shift out of this mindset and change your current perspective? Let's look at perspective a little more closely. Perspective is how we look at things. It has a Latin root that means "see through," "perceive," or "observe" and all the meanings of perspective have something to do with looking. So when you change the way you look at things, you change your perspective. We can change our view of things by looking at them from a new perspective. Seeing things differently When my daughter was eight years old, she was trying to complete a homework assignment after a long day at school. She had a book report due the next day on a chapter book and she was only half-way through the book. As she flipped through the pages and saw thousands of words, in that moment, it might as well have been a thousand pages! She sat there, frozen, unable to complete the assignment. “This is too hard. I'll never finish!,” she whined as she sat slumped in her chair. No amount of prodding or encouragement helped. All she could see was a seemingly insurmountable task before her and she sat there, miserable and stuck. Fortunately, I had one of those rare moments of perfectly timed inspiration and suggested she take a break and follow me outside. In the back yard, I asked her to help me find a pebble ... a really small pebble. It took a minute, but we found one that was less than a quarter inch in diameter. I told her to hold the pebble up really close to her eye and asked, “What do you see?” "It looks like a big rock!” she said. Then I told her to take the pebble away from her eye and place it back on the ground. She did so and I asked, “Now, what do you see?” She smiled as she recognized how very small the pebble actually was in reality. I explained that her reading assignment was really just a small pebble in her life, but her thoughts about it were making it seem so much bigger. By taking a minute to step back, she regained her perspective and was willing to approach her task differently. I suggested she be more curious about the story and focus on the satisfaction she'd feel when she completed her assignment well. To my delight, she pleasantly complied. Within thirty minutes, she had read the remaining chapters AND finished the assignment. Now happy and satisfied, she ran off to play with a friend. What are the pebbles in your life that appear larger than they really are? When we are feeling overwhelmed by life, little things can seem so big. Even small tasks can begin to feel difficult when our perspective has been overtaken by the negative thoughts and feelings that have pervaded our mind. Before we know it, we can slip into unhealthy patterns of blaming our circumstances, complaining that life is too hard, and believing there's nothing we can do about it. Without realizing it, we begin to justify behaviors that keep us stuck or even propel us backwards. We begin to lose hope, and what's worse, we often can't figure out why we're so miserable. The good news is that, with a little awareness, we can pull the proverbial pebble away from our eye and see things from a different perspective. 5 questions that will change your perspective: 1. What am I feeling? Did you know that most miserable people don't really know why they are miserable? Unhealthy coping behaviors are often rooted in a lack of awareness of what one is feeling. When you can name the feeling, you will be more apt to pinpoint the thought (or root) that caused the feeling. All it takes is a little mindful awareness. Make it a daily practice to stop and notice what you are feeling. Be really specific. Instead of saying, "I feel anxiety," expand your awareness and ask yourself, "Am I feeling insecure, upset, nervous, worried, sad, confused, guilty, frustrated, panic, dread, fear, conflicted, shocked, or overwhelmed?" Keep asking yourself questions until you get really clear about what you are feeling. This is a topic for another day, but highly sensitive people will sometimes pick up on other people's emotions without realizing it's not even theirs. If you can't figure out why you are feeling a certain way, ask yourself if the feeling is yours and then listen to your inner voice for the answer. When sensitive souls can recognize the difference, it will be easier to let go of those feelings. We need to own our feelings, but we don't need to own other people's feelings! 2. What is the thought that caused this feeling? Feelings are the result of a thought or many thoughts. Thoughts trigger emotions--good, bad, or indifferent--and emotions (energy in motion) influence actions, which always yield results or how we experience life. While we don't have control over circumstances, we do have the power to choose our thoughts → feelings → actions → results. Once you're clear about what you are feeling, you can look for the thought that triggered it and determine what to do with it. For example, let's say I notice I am feeling resentful. I ask myself why? Perhaps it's because I have taken on too much. Do I do it out of obligation? Do I need to learn to say no? Am I trying to accomplish too many things or please too many people? Do I expect too much of myself or do others expect too much of me? Do I allow other's to dictate my priorities? Once you know what caused the feeling, you now have the power to effect positive change in your life. Pinpointing the root problem can lead to greater awareness so that new thoughts and patterns can be established. 3. What is a more useful thought? When you have discovered thoughts that don't serve you, ask yourself, "What would be a more useful thought?" Some thoughts might be true, but not useful. For example, "My boss doesn't care about me" might be true, but that isn't a reflection of you at all, it's a reflection of them and their thoughts. It's important that we don't make that mean something that it doesn't. It doesn't mean you're not likable or valuable. More useful thoughts might be: "I am valuable." "I do things with excellence." "I have great worth." "I am likable." "I'm a dedicated employee." "I'm a friend to everyone." Using the example in question 2, let's say I recognize that I have been trying to please too many people and that I need to make my vision, my goals, my family, and my well-being a priority. I determine to take ownership of this behavior and change my thoughts to "I have healthy boundaries, and even though I care about others, it's ok to say no. I am doing the best I can. If I am available to help, I will be happy to. If it doesn't align with my priorities, then I will say no and wish them well." It doesn't mean that I will never help anyone, but I am determined to make sure that my priorities are met before I try to help with others with their priorities. I determine that I will protect my time by doing first things first. Notice that I am not expecting anyone else to change. We have no control over what others think or do. The only power we have is over our own thoughts and actions. 4. Will this matter next week, next year, in 10 years? If the thing that you are stressing over won't even matter next week, then why is it so pressing in your mind or life right now? What WILL matter in the next year or ten years? What are you doing simply out of habit, obligation, or duty? Is there something you can let go of? Meaningful tasks will improve family relationships, your own mental, physical, or spiritual well-being, or your financial stability. These things will matter more than, perhaps, finding the right Christmas gift for your neighbors. If you're running around looking for just the right thing, spending money you don't have, snapping at your family because you have too much on your plate, then perhaps your priorities are out of order. Go back to questions 1-3 and ask yourself why you feel driven to give the perfect gift to your neighbors. Is it because you want to impress them? Do you feel obligated because they always give you something? Perhaps, in your situation, a Christmas card expressing your gratitude for them is enough. 5. Are my efforts aligned with my vision, goals, and values? Do you have a vision for your future? If not, that's a great place to start. How will you end up where you want to be if you don't even know where that is? Create a vision for your life, set manageable goals to achieve it, and make sure everything you are doing aligns with your vision and your values. Make sure that the things you are filling your schedule up with support your goals. If you are passionate about your vision, the tasks you have to complete will energize and enliven you. For example, being able to be at home with my children has always been a high priority for me. So, getting my kids up each day, taking them to school, following up on homework, talking about what they're feeling, and all the many sacrifices I've had to make as a mother, do not stress me, but rather, it brings me joy. When I compare it with the seven years I had to work following a divorce, and having to put my children in daycare, the sacrifices I have to make now are a privilege because being there for my kids, watching their growth and development, brings me joy! When I have felt stressed about finances because I was not working, I reminded myself that the sacrifice was worth it. Thinking about working a full-time job would stress me out, but being able to integrate my love for personal development and helping others into life coaching from my home has been a great blessing that enlivens me. When we are passionate about something, it's a completely different energy than when we feel resentful and obligated. Get clear about what you want your life to look like and establish healthy goals and habits that are in alignment with your vision. Other ways to shift your perspective Examine your principles - List the principles that guide your life, and consider whether they are values you truly live by or merely talk about. Self-care - Make sure you take time to relax, breathe, meditate, exercise, and plan. Study good literature - Read scriptures and other inspiring books. Expand your knowledge. Seek truth. Open your mind to solutions and divine guidance. Listen for the still, small voice that will guide you and confirm truth. Journal - Sort out your thoughts by writing them down. You could do a brain dump or write a letter to God. Ask open ended questions and listen for the answers. Access higher thoughts through a combination of prayer, meditation, and journaling. Look at the bigger picture - Try to look at things with an eternal perspective. We are all children of God, here to experience adversity in order to learn and grow. It is reasonable to believe that we will continually have opportunities to develop divine attributes, perhaps for eternity. Be patient with yourself and others as we all learn to more gracefully navigate this mortal life together. Perspective gives us the ability to more accurately contrast the large with the small, and the important with the less important. When you begin to feel overwhelmed or stuck, take a step back and examine your thoughts, feelings, and actions, along with their corresponding results. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. Develop your capacity to view things in their true relation or relative importance and you will find you have far more influence over the quality of your life experience. If you feel you could use some help uncovering debilitating thoughts, releasing negative emotions, developing your vision, discovering your values and priorities, or establishing more empowering thoughts and habits, consider a Life Coaching Session with me.

Have you had your daily dose of light?

Nov 7, 2019

How often do you go a day without eating or drinking? Does the thought even occur to you? Our bodies need to be fueled continually for sustenance and so we eat and drink continually without much thought. And yet, while we are made up of more than just a body, we do not always give the same consideration to our whole selves. There are actually four parts of our being that need nourishment: body, mind, heart, and soul. Wouldn't it make sense nourish each one daily? Nourishment of The Soul The spirit is our inner essence, our soul, that part of us that exists beyond time and space. Our spirit is that part of us that can tune into innate wisdom and intelligence, that can know things which can be known in no other way. What are we doing each day to keep our spirit healthy, strong, and connected to our divine source? What are we feeding our spirit each day? What ever satisfies the soul is truth. ~ Walt Whitman Do you feel a sense of connection to your spiritual source? Are you able to spend quiet time, alone, just being? Are you easily able to tap into your own inner wisdom and intuitive guidance? Just as, daily, we feed our body to keep it working properly and to stay in balance, it is just as important and necessary to feed our spirit. You Are What You Eat When you eat, do you do so mindfully or do you find yourself foraging for anything that's convenient? How often do you overindulge in junk food? Anyone who has eaten a piece of cake smothered in frosting, especially if they have not had anything nutritious to eat prior, knows the profound effect food can have on our bodies. Your brain may begin to feel foggy, making it more difficult to think, and you may begin to feel tired or fatigued from the resulting sugar crash. What we partake of spiritually can also have a profound effect on all aspects of our being. Just like food may contribute heavily to our emotional and mental state, the things we choose to ingest spiritually and mentally may not only affect our cognitive abilities, but may also impair our ability to cope with stress. While an apple a day may keep the doctor away, a daily dose of light will enable your spirit to function at its highest capacity, and may also enhance your ability to keep negative influences at bay. Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled. ~ St. Matthew 5:6 How many days would you go without feeding your physical body? One may, occasionally, fast a day or even two, but most of us rarely go a day without feeding our natural bodies. Yet, if our spirit is to ever become master over our body, wouldn't it make sense that we feed it daily on the best food for the soul? While this includes scripture (and, for those who share my Christian faith, the words of Christ), spiritual nourishment includes all things that bring inspiration into our minds and instills hope in our hearts. Anything that consists of light will strengthen us, protect us, uplift us, heal us, guide us, and empower us. It reminds us of our worth, our divinity, our goodness, and our purpose. Light is not limited. It can be found everywhere and in everything, except where it is shut out by the human heart and mind. Nothing can nourish the soul but light. ~ Rumi Conversely, if we allow our minds to be overrun with negative thoughts, disparaging remarks, bad news, or filth of any kind, our spirit will suffer from lack of light! We must be ever mindful of what we are ingesting on a daily basis through our associations, the internet, our smart phones, video games, music, books, and all other sorts of media input. You put garbage in, you get garbage out. This is true physically, mentally, and spiritually. Be mindful of what you are feasting upon daily. Choose to feed your spirit with care and to nurture your soul with love. The books we read should be chosen with great care, that they may be, as an Egyptian king wrote over his library, 'The medicines of the soul.' ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes Daily Mindful Action Seek light, seek truth in all its forms and you will find it. Seeking requires taking action. Be purposeful in continually filling your mind with good thoughts, for this is the true medicine that can heal our hearts and homes. Make it a priority to feed your spirit daily, through prayer, pondering, meditation, scriptures and other good literature, as well as journaling your own impressions and feelings. Try different things. Find what works for you, but seek to nourish your spirit with a daily dose of light. My purpose for this blog is to gift readers with doses of light. Come back often and feast with me, and invite your friends, too! There is more than enough for everyone! Bon appétit! For the Latter-day Saint Soul It seems more than a mere suggestion to partake of spiritual things now and again, but rather we are told we must feast upon the words of Christ. He didn't suggest that we have a bite or two every once in awhile. He said to feast. To "feast" means to eat and drink sumptuously. It is interesting to note that the origin of sumptuous is “made or produced at great cost.” So the words of Christ, which tell us all things that we must do, have come at a great cost. And we have been invited to come and feast upon them.

The "Own It" List: A powerful exercise in self-empowerment

Nov 7, 2019

The first key to personal empowerment is awareness. If you aren't aware that something needs to change, how can you change it? If you are unaware that you have a problem or turn a blind eye to poor behaviors, you will never be enabled to move forward in life, creating the kind of life you really want and deserve. Awareness is 50% of solving a problem! Once you know what it is that is keeping you stuck or on the wrong life path, then you become empowered to find solutions to change what is not working in your life. The "Own It" List Here is an exercise I call the “Own It List.” Grab your journal or a piece of paper. After you read through this entire exercise, I'm going to ask you to stop and begin your list. I want you to be really honest with yourself. The first step in solving your problems and taking your power back is to own all the things you do, think, or say that are keeping you stuck and miserable. We usually know what our strengths and weaknesses are. But, for some, it may be too hard to readily admit them or you just may be truly unaware. That's one of the problems we are trying to solve. Just know that there are often clues reflected by the people and circumstances around you. Ask yourself the following questions: What do I do that keeps me stuck? What am I afraid of? What are the negative recurring thoughts in my head? What's happening in my life that's bothering me? What am I suppressing? What am I complaining about? What are my relationships like? What is my employment situation like? What is the atmosphere in my home like? Am I feeling happy and satisfied or is something always lacking? Do I experience the same issues everywhere I go? (Notice who's the constant.) What is holding me back, keeping me from progressing? What are the things I allow other people to say or do to push my buttons? What are the things I say or do that pushes other people's buttons? What are my weaknesses, my stumbling blocks, my false and limiting beliefs about myself? What core beliefs do I have that cause me to question or doubt myself or others? Tune in to your thoughts, your spirit, your innate wisdom. Tune in to your relationships. Tune into what's happening around you, and your awareness will increase. Remember, also, you can ask God to reveal your weaknesses to you so that you might turn them into strengths. He stands by, ready to help, but until we ask, we may be missing out on some divine guidance. Before you get started, read this: There's one more thing that's extremely important to recognize and understand. This is an exercise in noticing, acknowledging, and recognizing. It is NOT criticism or judgment. It is not a put-down. You are not to exercise any judgment of yourself. The world has enough critics! All you are to do is start noticing the things you are doing that are not working for you. Notice the things you are not doing that would be helpful for you to start doing. If you really want to be honest with yourself, try to recall complaints you have heard often from others. (Note: Not all complaints are valid. After all, what other people say and do is "their stuff." However, if you find you've heard similar complaints often or from different sources, consider those to be clues.) This exercise is meant to empower you, to bring you to an awareness of the things that you are doing that don't serve you. These are the things that have power over you. And you can't take your power back until you have made a complete disclosure to yourself. That's what I call "owning it." Does that make sense? One side benefit to having an "Own It List" is that no one can tell you anything that you don't already know! No one can push your buttons or make you feel bad because you already own it. And you're doing it lovingly. You want to improve each day, so you are noticing what needs to be improved. For example, when someone mentions that you're often late, you don't have to get mad or defensive, you simply say to them, “Oh, I know. That's #17 on my list. I'm working on it.” . . . You get the point. When you are awakened, you will begin to notice the patterns, behaviors, thoughts, and actions that have become a part of your life that don't serve you. Once you own your self-defeating behaviors, then you can get to work to releasing, changing, or improving them. But, you've got to OWN IT first. Stop now and write out your Own It List. Please do not skip this step! Here are some examples of things that could be on your list: I am easily offended. I leave my dirty clothes on the floor. I stay up too late, then I'm tired in the morning. I lack discipline. I spend money I don't have. I am easily distracted. I spend too much time on Facebook. I am addicted to video games. I eat junk food. I am rude to other drivers. I drive too aggressively. I wait until the last minute to do something. I put myself down a lot. I yell at my children. I resent my spouse for . . . I need too much (attention, reassurance, affection). I talk on the phone too much. I ignore my (husband, children, coworkers). I expect too much of others. I look for validation from other people. I don't exercise and I have too many excuses. I am always trying to please people. I have gained (too much weight, 20 pounds). I watch too much TV. I cheat on my taxes. I hate my job. I get overwhelmed really easily. I can't stop (eating so much, smoking, drinking, etc.). I can't stand up to my (mother, spouse, boss, friend). My house is a mess. I am tired all the time. I worry too much. I always assume too much. I think I'm ugly (too fat, too skinny). I feel I'm not good enough (smart enough, worthy enough). I blame others for my problems. I find myself thinking a lot of negative thoughts. (Be sure to write out all those thoughts, too! We'll cover those later!) When you have your list complete, recognize that no matter how many things are on that list, you are still loved deeply by God. There is nothing you are doing that will cause Him to love you any less and there is nothing you can do to earn more of His love. You didn't come here to earn your worth. You brought it with you. You are also not in competition with anyone else. Life is not a race to be won, it's a journey to be treasured. Your journey is uniquely yours to walk. You decide the direction and the pace. Just make sure you know where you want to go. With this exercise, you are simply becoming aware of the ways that you might begin to improve the quality of your life, little by little, day by day. You may want to look over your list and determine which one or two things you will begin to work on. Create a plan. Be open to new possibilities, new ways of doing things, role models to pattern after. Is there a class or course you can take? Do you simply need to eliminate something from your life? Perhaps you just need a plan, a set of goals, or a vision or dream board. Keep this list in a notebook or journal so that you can review it and add to it as something new comes to mind. You'll use this throughout your healing journey. You are taking charge of your life! Doesn't that feel good? Be determined that you are going to improve each day. Take baby steps, if you must, but do something to improve. We will be referring to this list later when we learn to create Positive Power Statements (which will be posted soon). What's important is that you now have something to work with. You are no longer wondering why things may not be working so well for you. You are becoming more awake and aware in your own life. Now that you know what you need to work on, you can begin change it.

5 ways to change your mood when you're feeling bad

Mar 28, 2019

There's no escaping feeling bad from time to time. Feeling bad is a part of life. Our feelings are indicators of our thoughts. Painful or angry thoughts alert us that something is wrong. This is when it's time to take action. Consider that negative feelings are similar to alerts or notifications on your smartphone that pop up for a moment, but disappear when you dismiss them. When you practice mindfulness, you can learn to do this with your emotions. It's important to notice and take action, then let these "alerts" go. Holding on to bad feelings and thoughts for too long can lead to internal discord, create habitual negative reactions, and attract more bad feelings. Whether you've been feeling bad for a long time or you've been rocking along in life and then are suddenly hit by them, here are five simple ways you can intelligently process through painful thoughts and emotions so that they don't get the best of you. 1. Focus Up When you have a negative thought, you can "focus up" to turn it into a positive. Any difficult situation can be made more manageable by choosing a more positive, hopeful focus: This will require filling your mind with good thoughts, learning to look for the good, and choosing a better approach. Victim mentality will try to sabotage this approach, but with determination and practice, you can begin to take charge of your focus. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. For example, one school morning, my sister was in the hospital awaiting an important procedure. I wanted to be there, but it was an hour away and I had two teens to get to school first. This just happened to spiral into a morning where everything went wrong. As I was hurriedly getting ready, my daughter rushed into my bathroom. She had just remembered that basketball tryouts had started an hour ago. My husband had gone to the meeting in my place when I had another obligation, but forgot to put it on the calendar. I found the email with the information, but with my sister suddenly in the hospital, I hadn't been checking emails. My daughter left the room in tears. I felt bad, but what could we do. It was time to go, but I wasn't ready and the dog still needed to be taken care of. I'd have to take the kids to school and then come back home before heading out. Suddenly, my son cried out when he caught the dog chewing his one-week-old and very-expensive-to-replace retainer (which the doctor and we warned him to keep out of reach of the dog numerous times). Now, he was in tears and we were supposed to be leaving! In this moment, I just froze, unable to cope. Fear gripped my mind, "What if something goes wrong at the hospital? I should be there!" My kids are both mad and sad and crying. My first response was to yell at the dog, who tucked his tail and ran into his crate. "We've got to go!," my mind is crying out! Surrender In years past, my younger self would have yelled at the kids and hustled everyone out the door anyway. Everyone would have gone their way upset. But, in this moment of chaos, I am grateful that my instinct was to focus up and cry out to my Heavenly Father, "Please, help us manage this moment!" I felt inspired to call both my children to me. We dropped to our knees, held hands, and I offered a prayer, asking for peace, calm, and wisdom, praying for my sister, that all would be well, thanking God for all that we have, especially mostly good days. Within moments, everyone was calm and we began to figure things out. I cut a very small chewed portion off the back of the retainer so that it was smooth again. Thank goodness, the top one is fine. My son (who was ready to give the dog away a few moments earlier) gently chastised him then picked him up and instantly forgave him. He realized it's his responsibility to keep his retainer safe. I emailed the coach in hopes that she would make an allowance for my daughter. But, we decide that if she didn't then maybe, with daily afternoon musical and choir rehearsals, she had enough on her plate and we'd trust that it's for her best and highest good. There's always next year. The kids were both very late, but I went in and talked to the front office ladies. They were so kind and understanding. I am reminded that most people are intrinsically good. The best news is that, while I was dropping my now calm kids off, my brother-in-law texted that the procedure went beautifully and everything was as good as it could possibly be. I could now relax and drive calmly there. Yes, sometimes, bad things happen to good people. And, when they do, it's ok to take a step back, drop to your knees and pray, or just get calm and trust that the answers will come. There will always be chaotic moments where thoughts and feelings can quickly spiral out of control. But, if we remember to focus up, inviting in the help of a higher power, we can more easily regain our composure and peace of mind. 2. Name It "To name it is to claim it," I say. Noticing what you are feeling will help you to manage it better. Awareness is 50% of solving a problem and mindful awareness allows you to be in charge. Name the feeling and you automatically take control of it. You are its master. "I feel angry." By acknowledging it, you are now prepared to deal with it and the root cause. It seems simple, but believe it or not, many people haven't developed this ability. They feel bad all the time and are seemingly trapped by these feelings, as if they have been taken prisoner by an unseen enemy. They are bound in their mind. Anger has taken over and is continually in control. Getting angry is a natural response. But anger isn't a way of being. It's an alert that something is wrong. Many times, I have noticed I was feeling a certain way long before I recognized it. It wasn't until I named it that I could put my finger on what it was that was bothering me. A local counselor once presented a talk on the issue of pornography, which afflicted far more men than women. One reason for this, she found, was that men tend to be less aware of their feelings. To help them increase in self-awareness, she has them set a timer on their smart phone to go off every two hours. When the timer goes off, they are to ask themselves, "What am I feeling right now?" It helps them own their feelings in an effort to take back their power. How can they master their thoughts if they don't even know what they're thinking or feeling? When you begin to experience uncomfortable feelings, stop and ask yourself, "What am I feeling? Why do I feel this way?" When you can pinpoint the issue, you will be more empowered to resolve it. 3. Breathe When you are upset or stressed, you may find your breath has become quick and shallow. Breathing deeply and slowly can instantly calm you down, mentally and physically. Oxygen is a natural "medicine." Learn to breathe properly and make it habit to practice mindful breathing. Here are a few different variations of calming breathing techniques: If you are stressed or anxious, try this two-minute calming technique: Close your eyes. Breathe in slowly, then slowly release it, fully and completely from your lungs. Release all thought and tension. As you breathe in, allow thoughts of calm awareness and all possibilities. Notice what you are feeling in the moment. Allow it without judgment. Just be ok with whatever you are thinking and feeling, all the while focusing on your breath. Breathe in calm and awareness, breathe out stress or tension. Allow your body to relax. Now, exhale and smile for one minute. Open your eyes. Notice how much calmer your body feels. When you suddenly feel angry or sad with little provocation or if you are experiencing a roller coaster of emotions, practice breathing and releasing. You may have pent up emotions that need to be released from your body. Breathe deeply from the belly all the way to your upper chest. Tune in to the feelings you want to release and then let them evaporate as you breathe out. Think of it as cleaning out your past. Visualize it. Intend it. With practice and intention, you can learn to release If you want to feel alive with energy and present in the moment, practice the "4-7-8" exercise by Dr. Andrew Weil: Simply place the tip of your tongue against the ridge of tissue just behind your upper front teeth, and keep it there through the entire exercise. To begin, exhale completely through your mouth, making a whoosh sound. Close your mouth and inhale quietly through your nose to a mental count of four. Hold your breath for a count of seven. Exhale completely through your mouth, making a whoosh sound to a count of eight. Repeat the cycle three more times for a total of four breaths. Make this a daily practice: Knowing how to breathe can help us control our emotions and fears. It will help to keep a clear and sharp mind. Take a couple of minutes out of your day and sit down in a quiet spot. Then breathe a little deeper than usual and focus only on the air going in and out. Nothing else. By doing so, you calm your mind and body down and you reconnect sharply and fully with the present moment you're in. 4. Brain Dump This is exactly as it sounds. Imagine what would happen if we never removed the trash from our homes. It would pile up and stink to high heaven. Everyone has some "stinking thinking"--negative recurring thoughts that swirl around in our brain, demanding to be heard. Perhaps they are old thoughts that were never released. Or just extraneous messages that aren't important. When my thoughts start reeling and affecting my judgment, it's time to clear the air by doing a brain dump! Take out a plain piece of paper. Dump any and every negative thought or feeling there. Write quickly and freely, without trying to sort or figure things out. Just express your thoughts and feelings without judgment. You might even find yourself scribbling or writing aggressively. That is great. It's an energy release. Your body must have a way to release pent up energy, so scribble and write until there's nothing left to say. Giving your feelings a voice may be all you need to neutralize and release any negative affects they've been having on your day. It doesn't need to take long. Just write until you feel better. When you're done, it's likely there's some unusually negative stuff that you don't want lingering, words that no one needs to read, including yourself. The best solution is to shred your paper, wad it up and throw it away, or even burn it. (I have also completed this exercise in my journal on my computer. When I'm done, I highlight everything I just dumped and press delete.) Whatever you do, don't hang on to it. Let it go forever. Congratulations, you just cleared out your mind. You'll likely be more at ease and ready to focus on positive thoughts, solutions, and outcomes. 5. Let music lift your soul Music is powerful! Create a playlist in advance of happy, energizing music. You might have more than one playlist, depending on the circumstances. If you're grieving, it's unlikely you'll be uplifted by crazy dance music. But, do seek comfort in uplifting music that is a balm to your soul. It might be spiritually uplifting or it could be soothing jazz or relaxing piano music. When you're overthinking and anxious, you might play happy, motivational or positive thought-provoking music give your mind a break and shift your focus. I have a spiritually uplifting playlist, a warrior playlist (when I want to feel strong and empowered), and an exercise/dance playlist that makes me want to move my body. The possibilities are endless. Whatever kind of music raises your vibration, play it with intention. Here are a few of my favorites: Anything from The Greatest Showman! (to joyfully sing along) Unstoppable by Sia (to feel motivated and confident) Brave by Sara Bareilles (to feel motivated and confident) Whatever it Takes by Imagine Dragons (to have fun and raise energy) Better When I'm Dancin' by Meghan Trainor (to dance and move) High Hopes by Panic! At The Disco (to get happy and raise energy) I Believe in You by Michael Buble (to restore faith) Ready or Not by Bridgit Mendler (for confidence and fun) Be Still My Soul (hymn - for comfort and strength) Come Thou Fount (hymn - for faith and gratitude) Fight Song by Rachel Platten (for strength and confidence) Fireflies by Owl City (for fun and good cheer) Limitless by Colton Dixon (to build faith and move forward) Musical Rapture by Frederic Delarue (for healing and comfort, free from eraofpeace.org) Use these simple tools to manage your emotions and you will find yourself feeling better in no time! When get yourself out of your bad mood, take some time to evaluate what put you there. If there are thoughts, behaviors, or circumstances you can change, make an effort to do so. Every experience is an opportunity to evolve and expand our abilities and our capacity. Every day is an opportunity to make life better for yourself and others.

How you do anything is how you do everything

Dec 28, 2018

Years ago, I attended a Millionaire Mind Intensive seminar based on T. Harv Eker's bestselling book, Secrets of the Millionaire Mind. It's a great book that can help you understand and change your personal money blueprint. It was there that I first heard the phrase, "How you do anything is how you do everything." I thought, "Ok . . . but what does that really mean?" In business, it might be termed as one's "M.O." or "modus operandi," meaning method of operation. In life, I believe it to be the underlying reason you do anything, as well as the attitude with which you do it. For example, consider: Your demeanor when you wake up. Are you generally pleased to start a new day or do you wish you could just go back to sleep, dreading what lies ahead? Your political/religious views and opinions. Do you listen to the other side's viewpoint and respectfully look for ways to build bridges of understanding or do you spew hate and post disparaging remarks all over the internet because you're right and they're wrong? Your typical reaction to others in rush hour traffic or during a developing storm. Do you easily remain calm or do you turn into a raving maniac or nervous nelly? Your relationships with coworkers, friends, and loved ones. Do you get along well with most everyone or do you more often find yourself in conflict with those around you? Your interaction with clerks, waiters, and other service people. Are you usually grateful and friendly to those who serve you or do you often find fault and complain to management? Your approach to identifying and solving a problem. Do you get right to work to consider all possibilities and find a win-win solution or do you throw your hands in the air in exasperation or bury your head in your hands because it's just too much? Your health habits and patterns in your life. Do you eat well and exercise regularly or do you have a dozen excuses why you can't eat better or lose weight? The stories you tell. Do you find yourself telling the same sad sob stories to anyone who will listen or do you talk of what you dream is possible? Your performance at work, whether it is caring for your children, customer service, sales, or training others. Do you strive for excellence, infusing everything you do with enthusiasm, or do you hate every moment, finding yourself irritated by every little thing and doing just enough to get by? How you deal with these and many other daily responsibilities are likely how you deal with most things in your life. It is how you approach life. If you are generally optimistic and strive to do your best at work, then that is likely how you approach cleaning your house, studying in school, or dealing with problems. If you are easily frustrated with others or bored at work, it is likely that you are easily frustrated with your friends, spouse, kids and find much about life dull and boring. How you do anything is how you do everything. How you handle and manage any situation, challenge or experience in your life is likely how you handle most of them. While this may not be the rule 100% of the time, there are likely few exceptions. Pondering this will help you to look a little more deeply into the habits and patterns you may have that aren't supporting you in creating the life you desire. Looking at your approach to life and towards others, considering the attitude with which you face your problems, ask yourself: Is this something I feel good about? Are these behaviors working for me? Is every action I take, every word I speak, and every decision I make contributing to the creation of the life I want to live? Because how you do anything is how you do everything, it is important to be honest with yourself about how you do "anything." If you don't like how you do things, congratulations! You now own it and can get to work to change it . . . one action at a time, one "high road" decision at a time, one carefully chosen thought or word at a time. If you find you don't like the road you are on, take another road. Change your direction. Choose a different path. Sometimes it's that simple. Choosing can often be the hardest part. After all, you are committing to new thoughts and actions but, once you make the choice and are committed to it, you will find that your life will realign to this new way of being. Recognizing behaviors that get in the way of achieving the results you desire is the first step. This demands you to be objective and removed from your defense mechanisms. Most people can identify the obvious things they do that sabotage their outcomes. But, what I really want you to get at are the core things you do that result in getting the outcomes you don't really want. These are often more subtle and not easily recognized. If you've come up with more things to add to your Own It List, go do that quickly. Awareness is 50% of solving a problem!

7 things you need to STOP doing if you want to live an empowered life!

Sep 7, 2018

It's human nature to look to others to validate our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. But, when those thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are rooted in victim mentality, validation of limiting beliefs will do nothing more than weaken self-confidence and cause one to feel helpless, cheated, desperate, bitter, and powerless. While it may feel validating to have false and limiting beliefs affirmed by others, it doesn't make it true, and worse yet, it undermines one's ability to change the circumstances of their life. Those who do this incessantly either aren't aware that they are doing it and the pain it is causing them or they have found that it pays to whine and complain to anyone who will listen. But, one thing these habits don't offer is peace or happiness. Here are the 7 things you need to stop doing if you want to live an empowered life: 1. Stop living in the past. When you look longingly at the past, you are robbing yourself of being happy today. Who you were in the past is not who you are today. Hopefully, you have improved. But, whether you are better or worse depends completely upon the choices you have made when faced with difficult situations. What's happened in the past is history. I like to examine it with a "so, what?" attitude. By this, I mean to ask yourself, "So, what can be learned from it?" It doesn't matter what's happened in the past except for what we can learn from it. Our past is just a series of personal experiences that we, through our thoughts and behaviors, have allowed to either propel us forward in our progress or to act as a barrier to it. It's even possible to move backwards through life, a truly sad state in which some may have found themselves, though it need not remain so forever. Our attitude towards, and perception of, these experiences are the determining factor of the direction of our lives. Whether you recognize them or not, there have likely been many opportunities for lessons to be learned in every seed of adversity. If you find you keep getting the same lesson over and over, then consider the possibility that you really haven't learned the lesson yet. Don't beat yourself up about it. However, do determine that it's time to get serious about examining each negative situation and finding the positive message for your life. Regardless of your losses, trials, and disappointments, ask yourself, what can I do today to learn from the past, to move forward, to become better, to help others, to be an inspiration, to bring more goodness into my life? What is the lesson for me now? Determine to learn it. This will empower you to change your thoughts and behaviors moving forward. Then, do yourself a favor . . . forgive yourself, forgive others, let the past go, and move on. 2. Stop telling the old, sad stories. Everything has energy, including the sad stories you tell. If your purpose in telling your sad story isn't to teach a lesson learned or offer comfort, accompanied by hope, to those who are struggling, then you're likely just depleting your own personal power (as well as that of your listeners) every time you tell it. When you hear yourself telling the same sad story again, consider it might be evidence that you may still be harboring old hurts and reinforcing false or limiting beliefs about yourself and others. Notice whether you are enjoying the pity of others as you tell your story. Does it get you some attention, even if only for a short moment? What is the payoff? Does it validate some limiting belief you have? Try to identify the root of the problem and the limiting belief. Glean anything good from it that you can, and then happily, gracefully let the old stories go. 3. Stop blaming others for your circumstances. Everyone has a story to tell about something their parents, their spouse, their siblings, their friends, the government or some other entity or circumstance has done that was negatively perceived to have affected their life in some way. Regardless of what anyone has ever said or done to you (or not said or not done for you), no one has the power to choose the thoughts you think and the actions you take, and those two things are the building blocks that have created the life you are currently living. You, and you alone, are responsible for your own thoughts and behaviors. And when you learn the power you have in choosing good thoughts and taking inspired action, no one can take that power from you. For example, if you are in a bad relationship, it is because you have chosen to engage in that relationship. Whether the "bad" in the relationship comes from your thoughts and behaviors, those of the other person, or a combination of both, recognize that you always have the power to choose your own thoughts and actions. This means you also have the power to change that relationship, whether that means you embrace it, establish new, healthy boundaries, heal it, change the dynamics of it, or simply walk away. When you find the power of your agency, you also will find that there are an unlimited number of scenarios for improving or changing that relationship. If you stay in a miserable relationship, it's because you have chosen to stay miserable in that relationship. Likewise, if you're stuck in a dead end job, recognize that you put yourself there and you allow yourself to stay there, for whatever reason. We always have options. Always! If you are miserable, you are choosing to be miserable. It's likely you spend more time thinking about what you don't want than wondering what else is possible! If you want to be happy, you can choose that as well. No one--not the government, your parents, your spouse, your friends, your boss--can make you miserable or happy. Only you can do that. You choose to be miserable or happy or anything in between and you do that by your thoughts and feelings. You are responsible for the circumstances of your life. Only by owning it will you find the power to change it. 4. Stop complaining about your life. There is always going to be those who are better off than you, just as there is always someone who is worse off. All life on this planet is subject to adversity. Accept it. Bad things happen to good people. Believe that there is something to be gained from it. We see what we seek. Look for the good and you will find it. When you focus on the bad, all you see is bad things. All that does is make you and everyone around you more miserable. What good is there in that? I have never seen a time when complaining incessantly manifested a better situation, especially one where everyone is happy. Though others may accommodate you, from time to time, in order to stop having to listen to you, chronic complaining will never create a happy, fruitful life. Start owning all the ways you are contributing to your misery and start thinking better thoughts and taking more positive action. Sometimes things happen that you don't deserve. For example, maybe your husband cheated on you and you feel you have been a good and faithful wife. You don't have to be endlessly miserable by feeling sorry for yourself. Certainly, take the time to seek appropriate counseling, talk with a few trusted friends, and to work through the grieving process. But, when all is said and done and you have both moved on, continually wondering what you did wrong, feeling sorry for yourself, being angry or bitter, or shaming him with everyone you meet will bring you no happiness. You are only cheating yourself out of a happy future. Recognize he made a poor choice and the consequences of that poor choice will follow him. Ultimately, his poor choices were his, not yours. It is not a poor reflection of you. Only your poor choices are. Keep making good choices. Keep being the happy, faithful person you are, believing there is a better future in store, even if you are now a single mom, struggling to make a new life for yourself. Your faith and hope will take you much further than self-pity ever will. 5. Stop justifying poor behaviors. If you have made mistakes, stop wasting time justifying them. If you made poor decisions because someone else made poor decisions, then own up to your own poor decisions. No one else can force you to do wrong. "She made me." "I had to do it." "I had no choice." These are just poor excuses for poor choices. Here's a simple truth: what you send out comes back to you. Poor choices yield poor consequences. As long as you continue with those poor choices, your poor consequences will likely continue as well. Stop the madness. Stop the pain. Stop justifying. Wrong is wrong. Poor thinking begets more poor thinking. Everyone makes mistakes from time to time, but to continue on day after day, year after year weakens you and depletes your power. Mistakes can be corrected. Start discerning what needs to change and change it. Own up to your poor choices. Make restitution, if necessary, then move on. 6. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop comparing yourself to others. Life is not a competition. Stop bemoaning the fact that you have to work and your friend doesn't. Stop coveting your neighbor's home, car, or travel abilities. Stop wishing you had the body of the single gal in the next cubicle who works out regularly. What you have in your life is what you have determined you could have. What you have in your life is a reflection of the choices you have made or the things you have decided you can or can't do. There is no hope and no progress in self-pity and feeling sorry for oneself. There is no power or forward thinking in it. Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. Be grateful for what you do have. Find joy in your own abilities, talents, and gifts. Choose gratitude over envy. When you seek to find the good in your life, you will begin to see more of it. You probably have so much more than you realize. Get out of your own way. Instead of looking at what others have, visualize a life where you can have or achieve anything. See yourself obtaining what you want in a healthy and honest way. Be grateful for it. Let the universe go to work for you to help you realize your dreams. If what you send out comes back around, bless those that live the life you dream of. Then you will be willing to accept and receive those very blessings when they come. 7. Stop looking to others for your answers. As daunting as it may seem at times, especially when you have given up your power to something or someone else, you alone are responsible for your life. No one else has the privilege to receive divine guidance and wisdom for your life but you. No other human can determine the best course of action for your life, but you or a higher power. There are those, from time to time, with whom we can seek and find good counsel. However, though you may allow others to influence your decisions, they will not have to live with the consequences of those decisions. You do. Ultimately, each of us must choose for ourself. The buck stops here! Be responsible for everything happening in your life. Trust that there is a solution to every problem. As you begin to trust, not only your own innate intelligence, but that of a higher intelligence, the answers will be revealed. You can begin to take charge of your life and receive inspiration that only you can receive. There is only one you and you are the one who is most responsible for your life. Own everything that is happening in your life. Trust that you have the answers within you. Move forward in faith. Only then will you find the strength and wisdom to change what you don't like! Try it. It's very liberating! Assignment: In your journal, write down all the ways that you have been giving up your power. Determine what you will do from here forward to take responsibility for your life. What would your life look like if you had the freedom to create it in any way that you want? Take this one step further and create a dream poster or vision board that reflects the life you desire. Look at it often and feel the feelings of gratitude that you would feel if it were so. Then you will witness the power of your own vision. Your thoughts and feelings create continually. Be mindful about what you are thinking and feeling!

The divine connection to true healing

May 12, 2018

When I was 18, I had embarrassing acne. It bothered me, so I sought a doctor's advice. At this time in my young life, I thought that doctors knew everything and that I should do exactly as they say without question. My dermatologist suggested that I take Tetracycline to cure my acne. He prescribed a year's supply and I took my daily dose, without question, for a year. Little did I know that, while killing off the bad “bacteria” that was causing the acne, I was also killing off the beneficial flora in my digestive tract. This began a long-term cycle of Candida yeast problems, something I would struggle with for years until I learned, through natural healing, that I could take probiotics and eat healthy foods to restore the good flora in my body. I also learned to trust my own intuition when it came to my health. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for doctors and emergency rooms that can set a broken bone or give short-term antibiotics when there is infection or bacteria. I am grateful for the many medical advances that improve people's lives and for those people who have dedicated many years of their lives in training to become doctors. However, I also came to recognize that doctors are not gods, and they are not always right. It is my privilege and responsibility to use my own God-given intuition to determine what is right for my body, which may be to follow the advice of a physician or it may be to use an alternative holistic source for healing. The Master Healer As a follower of Jesus Christ, I feel it important to acknowledge and give credit to the source from whom all healing flows. I believe the greatest physician is the Savior, Jesus Christ, the Light of the World, The Master Healer. The Light of Christ is in and through all things and is given to all men freely. Christ, who descended below all things and has overcome all things, has established himself as the true healer, the only spiritual doctor upon whom we can rely 100% of the time. Through His teachings, we are gifted with food from on high, those things that will heal our hearts, our minds, our emotions, our bodies, our spirits. His Light may inspire us to seek and follow the counsel of a physician, take a particular medication or elect a recommended surgery, or His Light may inspire us to heal through other means--counseling, nutrition, essential oils, herbs and other nutritional supplements, exercise or one of the many forms of energy healing. Learn to connect with and trust innate and divine intelligence, to follow your intuition, to seek and pray to know what to do in all situations. A healthy pattern is to gather information, make informed decisions, pray for confirmation or further guidance, then act quickly on promptings. While it is not necessary to subscribe to my beliefs to allow the healing energies of the universe to heal one's life, it does stand to reason that it must be your desire to seek something better, to have faith that healing is possible, to create a powerful intention to invite this healing power into your life, and to be willing to accept it fully. There are many insights, tools, and techniques which can help to heal our hearts, our minds, our spirits, and our bodies, and that is the intention of this website. It is a source of valuable information, available to any soul who is willing to accept and receive it. If you will seek counsel from your innate intelligence, your highest self, in and through the name of Jesus Christ (John 14:12-14), you will find answers and the divine connection to true healing.

Things will get better

May 4, 2018

In 2013, I had several surgical procedures done at one time, requiring 6 to 8+ weeks of healing time. The first three weeks, I expected to feel pain and fatigue, but the second three weeks I was a little discouraged expecting to be feeling better by now. As each day passed, and eager to get back to some sort of normal, it began to seem like it might never happen. I was told by many women that they never regretted having the surgery done and I was looking forward to being free of the limitations I'd had and getting my energy back. But, as the days went on, I began to feel like I would never be the same. When you are in physical pain, it's often hard to see beyond that moment. You want to feel better, you expect to feel better, but the pain and weakness persist. Will my life ever be the same?, I wondered. My muscles were weak, I was tired all the time. And, to make matters worse, I had to return to my part-time job. I was anxious, feeling like I wasn't ready, but they needed me desperately. So, I said a prayed for help and went off to work. The first day, I took it easy and walked a little more slowly than my usual fast pace, but I made it through and wasn't totally exhausted. Over the next few days, I was relieved that I was coping, even though I still felt out of sorts. Maybe I am just going to have adjust to this new way of being, I consoled myself. Perhaps I needed to accept that this might not pass. So, I decided to make the best of it and continued on in my busy life, doing the best I could. About half way through my workday, one Friday, I suddenly realized, with great relief, that I actually felt normal! I was back to my normal quick pace and feeling myself. As I paused to express gratitude, I realized that these same thoughts and feelings can persist for us in a mental or emotional way, as well--a loved one dies, your sweet child becomes a mouthy teenager, your spouse leaves you, or you lose your job. For a time, all you feel is the hurt, the pain. You feel weak and vulnerable. You mourn your loss. It seems nothing will ever be the same again. Every day, you long to feel normal again. Then one day, when you're least expecting it, it happens. You wake up and go about your day, when suddenly, happily, you realize, I feel good! The sun has come out and the clouds have passed. All is well again. Life is cyclical. Just as the moon rotates around the earth, causing the tides to ebb and flow, so it is with our lives. In the growth cycle, sometimes you feel up, sometimes you feel down. You will always have ebbs and flows. Awareness and acceptance of this fact will give you greater perspective. When you're in a low cycle, acknowledge it without judgment and remember that it will pass and you will feel good again. Soon, life will be back to “normal” in whatever strange and unique way is yours to enjoy.

Life is hard, but you don't have to be

Sep 3, 2014

While I am definitely a proponent of positivity, let's just get this out there in the open: Life can be hard. And sometimes the people around us can be mean, cruel, and heartless.I have found that the more I observe society today, the more intentional I have to be at keeping my heart open and genuinely caring. (That's the polite way to say that the more I observe other people's hard-heartedness, the more I have to guard against my own heart becoming hard.)Hardness of heart is a condition that people develop when they shut out love, hope, and a genuine concern for others. Pharaoh had it. The nation of Israel did, on occasion. The Pharisees in Christ's time specialized in it. That's not exactly great company.Pride, stubbornness, and rebellion will most definitely lead us down the path of hard-heartedness, but the inevitable pain and suffering we feel can experience can take us there as well.Though shutting off our heart is a way of dealing with pain, it ultimately leads to more suffering or, worse yet, not feeling anything all.What are the early warning signs of a hard heart?Indifference: You stop genuinely caring.Criticism: You find fault with others, blaming them for your circumstances.Detachment: You stop connecting with others or feeling much at all.Apathy: You have little concern for others, nor any passion for life.Hardened: You have closed off your heart, unwilling to let love in or believe the best about people.How does it happen?A focus on patterns, not people. Humans tend to behave in certain predictable ways. We all have flaws and are prone to make mistakes. When we look for perfection in others, we will always come up short. Focusing on these tendencies in others can lead to discouragement, but it's important to remind ourselves that these patterns are part of the human condition and can lead to greater understanding and awareness.The result of over-protecting a broken heart. Someone broke a promise. A loved one betrayed you. Expectations were not met or a hope was destroyed. Sadly, that's just life. It happens to everyone. Some people will fail us. But, how we respond to these inevitabilities is critical. Wanting to shield a broken heart is understandable, but to stop trusting, to stop loving, to stop believing in the overall goodness of mankind is a mistake.Do yourself a favor and stop telling yourself that life is supposed to be fair. It isn't. Life isn't fair and it isn't easy, at least, not on this earth, in our current finite space and time. I know of no promise that it would be. But, that's not cause to lose hope. In fact, it's quite the opposite. There is a purpose for adversity, and you can use it for your good.Still, when stuck in the muck and mire of life, one can begin to become hardened. Think of adjectives or objects that are hard. I think of cold or frozen. Steel is cold; ice is frozen. One is naturally hard and one has become hardened. Their opposites are soft and hot, like a flame. Fire is fluid, warm, and moving. It also provides light. Think of where you are and which you would rather be.Do not allow the trials of life to harden you. Keep the flame of light and hope burning within. If your flame has died down, ignite the fire of hope and purpose within your heart and soul. Rise up and be a light to others. Find goodness and meaning in everything, and share it with others. In doing so, your flame will burn brighter and brighter until that perfect day, where eventually you will gain wisdom and treasures beyond our earthly understanding. Hold onto faith. Keep looking up. Therein lies your strength and purpose in your journey through life.Now, a word of caution. When you progress and grow and start to figure things out, when the truth begins to awaken within you--and perhaps, especially then--adversity will still rear its ugly head in this world where there is pain, confusion, greed, evil, hard-heartedness, disease, and fear.These conditions have differing degrees of negative energetic attraction. It is so easy to get sucked into these invisible vortexes of negative energy that seem to be ever-trying to lure us in.When you find yourself being pulled into it, notice it, without judgment, and be prepared to take swift action. There's no need to beat yourself up for having found yourself there, but certainly don't give in to the dark side!When you find yourself there, quickly learn what you can from it, then be assertive in taking action to turn away from it and back to a source of light and strength, renewing yourself, and lifting yourself up by whatever means necessary.What are those means?, you might be asking. There are many self-help tools available to anyone searching. You'll find plenty here at everydaybetterandbetter.com. A quick internet search will yield more than you can possibly employ at one time. You literally have a worldwide library of information available at all times. Use it wisely.I won't suggest that all you need to do is think positive thoughts though, overall, that would help tremendously to get out of the dark and live in the light.But, I do suggest you learn to use your agency wisely. You have the God-given gift of free will to choose something better, even when things seem dark and hopeless, to call upon the light, to open up the windows of your soul and let the sun/Son in, to choose hope, and to move forward in faith, no matter how hard it is.There are tools available to help one escape darkness and return to the light side of things. While it is wonderful when others see our need and help us, expecting others to do for us what we ought to be doing for ourselves, can easily set us up for failure and disappointment, and put them in a position to come up short. I have created this website for the purpose of sharing self-help tools to overcome adversity.When you know what to do and feel confident in taking inspired action, you will learn to more easily avoid these swirling vortexes of negativity all around you. While they are present in life, and you may find you have been pulled in, it doesn't have to be permanent and it doesn't have to be debilitating.Choose to take purposeful action to invite in light and create something better than where you are in this moment. It means never giving up, never giving in to the cold darkness.There is no "one size fits all" solution for getting yourself out of a negative funk. What works for one person may not work for the next.What works beautifully for you one time may not be as effective in a different situation.That is why we must be ever learning and and seeking, gaining wisdom and experience, seeking the tools and knowledge that will effectively heal our hearts and homes.There are many truths that have been revealed. There are numerous tools available that have worked for others. Seek them, find them, learn how to use them. Create a self-help tool box, fill it up, and use it often. You are going to need it.And be ready. Just when you think you've got it all figured out and that you can overcome anything, something new will rear its ugly head.While you are on a quest for happiness and peace, remember that you are still a warrior nonetheless. There will always be new and stronger foes of negativity and despair lurking around the corner. When you let down your guard, when you stop trying, you may find yourself on that slippery slope that leads to misery and suffering.Negativity has a way of causing us to forget, to become so overwhelmed that we feel like giving up. We forget to use our self-help tools or that we even have them. Do what you must to ensure that you remember them and use them every time you need them. (Sign up to receive my e-book, The Ultimate Guide to Self-Help ...)The bottom line is: stay out of victim mentality. No one ever won the game of life from a victim perspective. Ultimately, we choose what role we play in life ... victim, survivor, or thriver. Choose to thrive!Life is hard and that's ok. Remember who you are. Remember what you've learned. Remember that you are not alone. There are resources available, always ready to assist. There are many tools that raise awareness, lift you up, and shift you out of negativity. But, you must remain vigilant. You must choose to live in the light. You must remain aware and you must remember to use those tools.

It's ok to have bad days.

Aug 27, 2014

I haven't written anything for a few weeks. Why? Because I feel like I have to be in a happy, positive place to write. "How can I uplift and inspire others when I am struggling or feeling down?" "I shouldn't be down. I know how to be happy. I have all these tools. What is wrong with me?" Then I realized . . . people need to know that you struggle, too! Let's face it. If you've read my blog, you know that I believe that life is full of adversity. It's hard, but it's purposeful. Without opposition, we simply would not/could not grow to the same capacity. Even though I have this awesome perspective (and, believe me, it helps tremendously), that doesn't mean that I am exempt from trials and challenges and all the ugly thoughts and feelings that sometimes accompany them. The truth is, what I am teaching is to learn how to smile through tears, to dance in the rain, to look for the silver lining in the clouds of doubt, to pick yourself up and dust yourself off when life knocks you down (and it will). That may not be what you want to hear. I cannot guarantee you sunshine and roses all the time. All I can guarantee is that circumstances will change (both good and bad), everyone is human (and will make mistakes), and you will be disappointed from time to time. It's the cycle of life. And it is meaningful. You're going to learn coping skills, you're going to learn to see things through different eyes, you're going to gain great knowledge and insights. And, yet, still you're going to have down days. It's part of the human experience. Believe in yourself anyway. Believe in other flawed humans anyway. Believe that goodness will prevail. Believe that things will get better. Believe that better things are possible. Believe that you will feel better soon. That's what this website is about. Feeling the anger, feeling the hurt, feeling the doubt and moving forward in faith anyway. Picking yourself up, dusting yourself off, and trying again. Never quitting. Never giving up hope. Never losing faith in yourself or your fellow man. Above all, never lose faith in God and His great plan for us. Truly, what is the alternative? To lose hope, to lose faith, to believe that everyone's bad and nothing will ever get better? Where is the hope in that? Where is the joy? Where is the strength to keep going? Where is the will to smile? Those negative thoughts and feelings can only lead to negative actions and behaviors, which will only lead to negative circumstances and relationships. It snowballs. If we're not careful, it becomes a downward spiral that is much harder to overcome. So, determine that it's ok to have down days. Feel it, examine it, accept it, be ok with it. Know that things will turn around. Believe it can and will get better. Ask for your eyes to be opened to other possibilities. Forgive yourself for believing that once you learned the truth, you'd never be unhappy. Forgive yourself for giving others the power to ruin your day or your life. Forgive others for letting you down. Accept that everyone around you is human and struggling with their own lessons. Love them anyway. And even when things are bad and people are behaving in horrible ways, believe in goodness anyway. When chaos is all around you, create order and peace anyway. Examine every day--with all it's failures and disappointments--without judgment. Where can you improve? What can you do better tomorrow? Determine that, no matter what you're going through, things can and will get better. Believe that your path is just that . . . YOURS. You're exactly where you need to be, learning the lessons you need to learn. Embrace the opportunity to experience doubt, disappointment, and frustration. God trusts you to get through this. You are learning things you could learn in no other way. You're not being punished. You're being allowed to grow and gain experience. You're not a victim. You're a student of life. You're not powerless. You have all the power you'll ever need to become the best you your spirit is capable of becoming. Find your true north. Believe you have a destination that is amazing and your rewards will be worth all the trials. Believe that every experience is worthwhile. Know that your path is taking you to places so that you can experience all this life has to offer. If you're doing things that bring unhappiness, maybe stop doing it. Start noticing your thoughts. If they're making you unhappy, change them. If they're steering you in a wrong direct, redirect them. If they're causing you to make mistakes, forgive yourself and determine to try a little harder to be a little better. Make amends. Believe you deserve more. Move forward in faith. It really will get better. And then it may get worse, but it will also get better again. Go with the flow of life. What you resist persists. Stop resisting. Be open. Have faith. Believe that something greater is happening. You just don't see it yet. You are a work in progress, a diamond in the rough. The excruciating pressure you are feeling may be the very thing that is molding you into something beautiful, creating your brilliance. Choose to shine! Be ok with down days. Know that the sun will come up tomorrow. Hormones will balance out. People will forget. Friends will come and go.

Two words of advice: Stop it!

Jun 30, 2014

The best way to stop a destructive habit or behavior is to simply stop doing it. Yes, that may be easier said than done, but it is a good place to start. Whatever you are doing that is causing you pain and suffering, hurting others, keeping you stuck, affecting your job performance, ruining your relationships, or damaging your body. . . STOP IT! Ask yourself: Who is in control of me? Who controls my mind, my thoughts, and the words that come out of my mouth? Who is responsible for my actions? While others may have influence over our behavior, the ultimate responsibility for the thoughts we choose to embrace and the words we choose speak lies within our personal power and agency. How we choose to see every situation and the resulting action we take, is ours to account for alone. When you recognize you are thinking, speaking, or acting in ways that are destructive, then take immediate action. Maybe it's enough to simply stop doing it or perhaps it will require establishing new habits. But, the most important step to eliminating destructive behavior is to STOP IT! Another step is to look for the root of the problem. What caused the behavior in the first place? It may have begun with another's behavior or it might be something you have always done, but when you examine the behavior with curiosity rather than judgment, you will begin to see better ways of behaving and then you can create a new plan. When empowered with compassionate awareness and strength of mind, you can begin to behave in better ways. Let's look at a few examples to help you get started: Gossiping Let's say you find yourself gossiping at work about a co-worker. Perhaps you didn't even start it, but you joined in. Later, you feel bad when you see that person or, worse, what you said gets back to your co-worker, damaging your work relationship. Gossip is destructive, so you determine to STOP IT. When someone around you begins to gossip, you can choose to quietly walk away or, even better, you could tell them you always feel bad when you talk about others, so you would rather not participate. While it might irritate them at first, you may actually end up gaining the respect of your co-workers and might even influence them to think twice before they gossip. Victim Mentality You find yourself repeating the same, sad stories about your past to others, maybe even the same people. It has elicited sympathy in the past, so you keep repeating your grievances. While listeners may look at you pitifully and offer words of comfort, eventually they run out of ideas and patience, and begin to avoid conversations with you altogether. Or worse, they join in, continually berating your ex (or mother-in-law or spouse) and confirming that you are, indeed, a victim. This belief will never empower you. Ask yourself: Has telling these sad stories ever truly benefited me? In what ways? In the end, they are more likely to keep you stuck in victim mentality, so simply STOP IT. Stop telling the old, sad stories. Instead, determine what you believe is possible and move forward to create something better. Criticizing Perhaps, you habitually look for what others are doing wrong and feel you need to let them know in no uncertain terms. While your criticism may feel justified, it will not strengthen relationships or cause others to want to change, so STOP IT. Stop criticizing. Stop looking for the faults in others. Stop beating your own self up, because you likely do. Look for the good in people and determine to be an encourager. It feels much better! There are many other examples. Scan the text in bold to see which, if any, apply to you: If you catch yourself lying to yourself or other people, stop it. Self respect only comes from living in integrity. Be honest, it truly is the best policy. If you eat terrible food when you're stressed out, stop it. Find healthier ways to eat and use proven techniques to help relieve your stress. Gaining 50 pounds will likely only serve to increase your stress. Find healthy substitutes. Love your body and what it does for you. Seek loving support. If you procrastinate, stop it. Make sure you are clear about why you do anything and determine if it is truly necessary. Make a list, manage your time, and keep commitments to yourself and others. If you spend more than you can afford, stop it. Live within your means. Get out of debt. Look at ways of increasing your income. Budget. Plan. Save. If you're trying to escape stress and anxiety through smoking, vaping, drugs or alcohol, stop it. It's not good for your body or mind. You are giving away your personal power and, perhaps, even your ability to choose to a substance. Allowing your mind to be altered and possibly even losing control is subjecting yourself to further physical, mental, or spiritual harm. Believe in your ability to cope. Become resilient. Face stressful situations with courage and fortitude. Practice mindful meditation and other stress-relieving techniques. Reach out to others for help and support. You can do this! If you try to control and manipulate others, stop it. Ask yourself if fear is your motivator. What are you trying to avoid? The only person you can effectively manage is yourself. Trying to manipulate others will damage relationships and cause others to disengage. Instead, choose to lead, inspire, and encourage. Love others. But, respectfully allow them their freedom to choose and act for themselves. If you love to create drama, stop it. Learn to manage your emotions. Seek peace. Get to the root of the addiction to drama. What is the emotional payoff? Learn to be calm and respectful of others. Be cooperative and find positive ways to engage with others. If you are a control freak, stop it. Not only will you drive yourself crazy, but you'll drive everyone else crazy, too! Find joy in creating your best life. Relax. Recognize what is important and what is not. If you are abusive in any form, stop it. Stop it now. Stop it forever. It will do nothing, but break hearts and destroy relationships. Turn from it immediately. Repent. Seek help from God and from mental health professionals. Find peace in making things right. Humbly accept the consequences of your trespasses against others. Forgive yourself. Forgive those who have trespassed against you. Apologize. Breaking the chains of abuse will free you and others of destructive patterns. Honor boundaries. It's going to take time to earn trust, so be penitent and patient. If you are accepting abuse in any form, stop it. Say "No more!" Walk away. Get help and support. Find healing. Establish healthy boundaries. Learn to love yourself and to expect better of others. Forgive yourself for allowing abuse. Find a way to forgive your abuser. But, remember, forgiveness doesn't mean trust. Trust has to be earned. Forgiveness simply allows you to let go of the poison of anger, bitterness, and shame. If you assume you know what other people are thinking, stop it. You can't truly know what anyone else thinks or feels. You can't read their mind or look into their heart. If you want to know, ask and listen. People don't wake up in the morning wondering how they can ruin your day. They are often caught up in their own thoughts about their life and trying to get through it. Unless you have walked a mile in someone else's shoes (and really not even then), you can't possibly know what another is thinking and feeling. Focus on your own life and those things that are within your own sphere of influence. If you expect others to read your mind, stop it. No one wins. You are setting everyone up for failure. No one is a mind reader. Ask for what you want. State your expectations in relationships clearly. Be direct, but not demanding. Give others the benefit of the doubt. But, in the end, recognize that you are responsible for your own happiness. If you are spewing hate, stop it. It's mean, it's ugly, and it destroys. Hate, in any form, is destructive and it will always come back around to you. Stop attracting more negativity. The antidote to hate is love. Learn to love others. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Be open to all views and perspectives. Look for the good. Wish your enemies well. Bless them that curse you. If you constantly put yourself down, stop it. We teach people how to treat us. Treat yourself right. Be kind. Be your own best friend. You matter. See yourself as you would a child in need. Be caring, be loving, be supportive and others will follow your lead. If you consistently focus on the what might go wrong, stop it. Worrying is fruitless because it steals joy from the present moment. Worry is always about a future unknown. Don't get caught in this negative downward spiral. You see what you seek. So look up! Seek the good. Look for goodness. Trust God. Whatever you are looking for, you will find it. If you find yourself taking other people's actions personally, stop it. What other people say and do is their stuff. How you respond to what other people say and do is your stuff. Focus on your stuff. The rest is their stuff and there's nothing you can do with that. Move confidently in the direction of your dreams. Let others be who they are. If you often feel envious of others and covet what they have, stop it. You will never attract more good to you if you envy other people having good. Bless others that have what you want. This sends a signal to the universe that it's ok for you to have blessings, too. If you are constantly looking to find fault, stop it. It serves no purpose, but to offend. It's also indicative of an insecure person, needing to build themselves up by tearing others down. Look for the good in others. Believe that everyone is doing their best. Be kind to yourself and others. If you are constantly criticizing and condemning others, stop it. Who are you to judge another? I haven't met one perfect person yet. Do you want a heart at war or a heart at peace? Stop looking for the mote in other's eyes when there's a beam in yours. Be kind, be encouraging. Look for the good in others. If you resent other people's happiness, stop it. Bless them and go make your own happiness. If you compare yourself with others, stop it. You weren't meant to be anyone else. There is no one else out there like you. Be the best version of YOU. If you choose suffering over acceptance, stop it. Let go of the old hurts and offenses. Let go of unrealistic expectations. Acceptance will free you from worry and judgment. Accept that everything is working together for your good. Improve yourself each day and learn to find joy in the journey. If you are holding onto grudges, stop it. Let them go. Free yourself and others from the chains that bind us. Forgive. Forget. Move on. If you are waiting for the world to love you, stop it. Seek God and His Love. It is truly the only love that heals, restores, and makes whole. Receive His pure love and then love yourself. You'll never lack for love again and you'll be find joy in seeing others through the eyes of His Love. The list is truly endless. But, you can see how the first action is to STOP doing whatever it is that is not serving you. Stop sabotaging your life. Stop judging, criticizing, and blaming. Stop justifying poor behaviors. There's simply no GOOD thing that can come of it. Seek for something better. Today is a new day and you can choose new ways of being. Determine what it is that you want to do and stop doing things that make you feel bad. You'll be surprised to find how heavy a burden your habitual behaviors had become and how easily they can sabotage all the good you desire to accomplish. And, oftentimes, it happens unconsciously. If you discover you have become your own worst enemy, take these two words to heart: Stop it! Love yourself. Believe that you are a worthy and deserving human being. You can do this! Now get to work, lovingly identifying every sabotaging behavior. You can choose a new response to every experience in life going forward. You can write a new story. Break the cycle of habitual negative behavior. Recognize it, stop it, take a moment to evaluate your options, then choose a better response that will bring you closer to the ideal person you want to become.

First things first: Get a journal

Jun 20, 2014

Get a Journal I strongly encourage you to purchase a journal or notebook to write down your thoughts and feelings as you go through this series. I have found this to be one of the most effective tools that I use. Be your own best friend The benefits of therapeutic journaling include increased awareness, a safe place to dump your thoughts and clear your head, a highly effective way to sort things out, affirm what you really want, and really learn to listen to yourself. It's possible to become so disconnected that our heart doesn't know what our mind is thinking and our mind doesn't know what our heart is feeling. This disconnect can lead to chaos and confusion. By writing out your thoughts and feelings on paper, and then reading them out loud to your yourself, you are engaging both side of your brain, more effectively uniting your heart and mind. You may find you have become your own best friend and therapist, too! It will also help you to discover, sort through, and analyze your thoughts and feelings, especially those that have impeded your progress. You will be asked to ponder and answer questions throughout the Lighten Up! Series. I encourage you to take your time with this. Allow yourself the time to get quiet and really connect with your highest self. You may be pleasantly surprised at what you already know and how much more empowered you feel. Schedule quiet time for yourself Learn to put first things first. This includes taking all the time necessary for growth and healing. Go through each module and spend time there until you understand each principle that is being taught. Learn to apply them in your life, one day at a time. Participate fully Please be patient with yourself. You are a work in progress! This life is a journey, not a race. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Real learning takes place one principle at a time, line upon line, precept upon precept. Develop a love for learning Consider yourself a life-long student. You will be forever learning, experiencing, and, hopefully, in time, mastering many principles. I have found the more you learn, the more you realize you don't know! The thrill of the journey is continually learning and mastering new things every step of the way. Each new understanding will add to the last. You will find yourself learning on layers and levels. Just when you think you've mastered a principle on one layer or level, you find that there is more to learn and experience on yet another layer or level. This can be an extraordinary journey! Get excited, grab your journal (consider it an extra suitcase for the treasures you will be finding on your journey), and be ready to leave the excess baggage behind! Trust that the answers are in you Your spirit knows the truth. You'll know the answers when you hear them. When you hear truth, you will find yourself agreeing. You will experience a knowing within. It will just make sense and you will know that you are awakening the powers of love and light within you. May you find that every day, in every way, life is getting better and better!

We see what we seek

Jun 14, 2014

What do you see? We live in a world where there are plenty of things to notice: Things that are exciting, things that are pleasing, things that are heartwarming, things that instill love and hope. There are also things that are baffling, disheartening, or downright disturbing. Things that corrupt, things that tear down. The spectrum includes the greatest love and the deepest hate, and everything in between. All these things exist. Yet, ask 100 different people what they see and you'll get 100 different answers, perspectives, or perceptions. What we see is strongly influenced by what it is we expect to see. So, the question you might ask yourself is: What do I seek most of the time? Really take the time to ponder this. What do I notice around me all the time? . . . in my family, in the workplace, out in public, on the internet, in public conversations? What are the accompanying feelings I have when I look around me? Those feelings will often clue you in to what it is you are seeking. We seek to validate our thoughts and expectations by what it is we are continually noticing. If you see mostly negative people and circumstances then, perhaps, that is what you are conditioned to look for. If you see mostly positive people or your thoughts are continually those of possibility thinking, gratitude, and joy, then that is what you are attuned to. Much like a radio frequency, you have to turn the dial to the frequency that you want to receive. That channel is always sending out the signal, but you will only hear it if you tune in to it, right? This is true with television, too. You will only see what you are tuned in to. You get to decide which channel you want to watch. It is the same for our thoughts. If you want to see positivity and goodness, opportunity and hope, you have to expect it, and look for it. You have to believe it exists. Tune your thoughts to that frequency and you will find more and more good things in the world around you. Conversely, if all you see is negativity and fear around you, recognize that, through your thoughts, you are tuning into that frequency. You have conditioned your mind to look for whatever it is you are noticing. You see what you seek. Here's the good news. In an instant, you can choose to see something better. You can choose to have hope in mankind, to believe in the goodness of others, to have faith that you are worthy and deserving of something even better that is awaiting you. You can choose to believe there is good in any situation you may find yourself in. As you do this, you are attuning yourself to the frequency of those things. You'll attract better things. You'll notice good deeds. Your heart will be touched by all the kindness and compassion around you. You will feel the joy and excitement of life. Does this mean there will never be any negativity in your life? Of course not. There is opposition in all things and it is for a wise purpose. There will always be negativity, however, you have the power to choose to stay in a more positive mindset. A positive attitude, perspective, and positive actions will help you see things in a different light. Fill your mind with good thoughts The truth is, we each have our share of strengths and weaknesses. You've likely heard the story of the two wolves that live inside of us. . . . An old Cherokee chief was teaching his grandson about life... "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy."It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. "One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self-doubt, and ego. "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. "This same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too." The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather,"Which wolf will win?" The old chief simply replied, "The one you feed." This is an enlightening parable in that it reminds us that we always have a choice. These two sides of our nature are fed daily by the thoughts we entertain. What you think about and dwell upon will be the things you see in your life and they will influence your behavior. Be mindful Daily, seek to be mindful of what you are feeding your mind. You have a choice: seek the good by feeding your good nature and it will enhance your character, habits and behavior positively. The alternative is to seek the negative by feeding your doubts and fears. The outcome is that it can influence your world to become more negative: like poison, this can slowly eat away at your soul. We see what we seek. What do you choose to seek? Rather than looking for the bad . . . Seek goodness. Rather than looking around in despair . . . Seek hope. Rather than seeing darkness and destruction . . . Seek light and truth. Rather than looking for faults . . . Seek the good in others. Rather than focusing on thoughts of lack . . . Seek evidence of abundance. The Apostle Paul taught this principle in Philippians 4:8 . . . whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Your power lies in your ability to choose. Choose to seek a higher understanding. Choose to believe in the greatness of your worth. Choose to see the best in others. Choose to see everything as an opportunity to learn, to grow, to progress. Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think. ~ Benjamin Disraeli Try this! Acknowledge which side of the feelings spectrum (positive or negative) you spend most of your time. Is this where you want to be? What would it take to tip the scale just a little bit more to the positive side? Ask yourself what non-supportive core beliefs you have that you find yourself seeking to validate in the world around you? Consider whether you want to change these false or limiting perspectives or beliefs. They may be familiar, but are they comfortable? What will it take for you to begin to see things in a more positive light? Continue to be mindful of the thoughts you are thinking throughout the days and weeks ahead. Write out the following affirmations or something similar and place them somewhere that you will be reminded often to seek the good in life: I own my own thoughts. I accept the power to change my thoughts and use that power wisely. I am a positive person or I choose to be a positive person. I am lovable. I see love around me. I am worthy of love. I love myself as God loves me. I am beautiful. I see beauty all around me. I am always divinely guided. I am worthy and deserving of a good life. There are good people all around me. There is goodness all around me. I automatically tune into to the goodness of life.

When will NOW be the RIGHT time to change your life?

Jun 5, 2014

I once heard a story about a man who went to visit a friend. While chatting outside, the man noticed his friend's dog laying on the porch. Every once in awhile, the dog would let out a painful whine. After a few minutes, the man remarked, "I can't help but notice that something seems to be wrong with your dog." "Oh," replied the friend, "I think he's laying on a nail." "Well, why doesn't he just get up and move?" questioned the man. "I guess it doesn't hurt bad enough!" replied the friend. Have you ever felt like this dog? Life can be challenging. Difficult days can stretch into weeks, months, and even years. Although we try to put our best foot forward, sometimes it feels like it's nothing will ever change and that can feel painful and discouraging. Do you ever find yourself promising that someday you're going to do something about it, but, right now, you're just not ready to make the effort? It could be much like the dog on the nail. It hurts. You complain. But, it just doesn't hurt bad enough to really do something about it. We can be attached to our suffering more than we care to admit. The payoff from complaining--like receiving attention or sympathy from others--might be greater than the investment of time and effort required to remedy it. Maybe you are truly ready, but you simply don't possess the knowledge or skills required to turn these quickly spiraling, out-of-control energies around. Stress at work, the demands of children and tight schedules, a strained relationship with a spouse or other family member, unhealthy eating habits and seemingly no time to exercise, or never-ending financial struggles can leave us feeling like we have nothing left to give and no where to turn. This is where we can find ourselves on dangerous ground, yielding to the negative thoughts these challenges produce that will do nothing to improve our situation and only seem to dig even deeper this pit of despair in which we have found ourselves. So we blame, we complain, and we justify our poor choices. But, it's important to understand that, in doing so, we give up the very power that can change our day, our circumstances, even our life into something even better. This is where coaching can help. My life hasn't always been happy. I haven't always been the optimist that I am now. Throughout my life, especially in my earlier years, I experienced depression, adversity, loss, heartache, disappointment, financial lack, health issues and numerous other trials and challenges, along with the usual day to day struggles--just like most any other person on this planet. I'm quite certain I am not special in this regard. Where I might differ is that, by the grace of God, I have learned that these very experiences have given me a rich, new understanding that has completely changed my perspective, even allowing me to embrace challenges and trials with a tenacity, appreciating every opportunity to grow, and choosing to respond in better, more empowering ways. Does that seem unrealistic to you? Does that sound too difficult right now? You might be saying, “Yeah, well, you haven't walked in my shoes . . . you don't know how I feel . . . I've tried and it just doesn't work.” You're right, I don't know how you feel, but I know how I felt when I was in that kind of despair. Escaping those prisons of thought have freed me from the barriers to happiness that they produce. You can learn the truth and gain the skills to change that kind of thinking. Through coaching, my blog, and upcoming courses, I will share those truths with you. “Then you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free.” (John 8:32) One of those truths is that the purpose of life is to experience opposition in order to grow and progress. With the right perspective and tools, this can be a rewarding and promising time in your life. At 26 years old, I had my first “light-bulb” moment and for 29 years I have gleaned many truths, principles, tools, and techniques from many sources. It's taken years to learn these truths. So, be patient with yourself. This is not a race, it's a journey. Take a few minutes right now to determine where you want to end up when your journey is through. Only you can decide your future. No one can or will do it for you, and no one can take that privilege from you. The first step to changing your life is to develop the desire to create something different for yourself. Decide that today is the right time to change your life. Keep moving forward, keep striving and you too will learn how every day, in every way, your life can get better and better. Line upon line, precept upon precept. Here a little and there a little. One step at a time, one day at a time, with slow and steady improvement. This is how you will win at life. We generally change ourselves for one of two reasons: inspiration or desperation. ~ Jim Rohn Whether you are desperate or just ready for change, I hope you're now feeling inspired to join me on this journey to find happiness, peace, and joy in your life! If you need a coach to help you, schedule an appointment today!

Every day better and better

May 4, 2014

Even after I had learned there was a “better way” of being, doing, and choosing for myself, there were still days when I felt beaten down, and a few where I questioned if maybe I was wrong about all this stuff. One day, finding myself in the midst of circumstances that were not in my dreams, and certainly were not my passion, I wondered how I got there, and I began to feel my hope waver and my frustrations increase. That this was not where I wanted to be was clear, but choosing to feel negative about it was clearly not going to help me solve my problems. In years past, I had heard the affirmation (coined in the late 1800s by Émile Coué de la Châtaigneraie, a French psychologist), “Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better.” This suddenly came to my recollection and I began to repeat it out loud to myself. Every day, in every way, my life is getting better and better. I took a deep breath and kept going. I decided to substitute everything in my life that I was concerned about … Every day, in every way, the people I work with are getting better and better. Every day, in every way, our finances are getting better and better. Every day, in every way, my health is getting better and better. Every day, in every way, my family is getting better and better. Every day, in every way, my husband's job is getting better and better. Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better. I smiled and continued to breathe deeply. Within minutes, I felt a positive shift in energy. My hope was renewed and I was able to make it a much better day. The truth is, in that moment, my life didn't get any better, but it renewed my hope and reminded me of possibilities. Through repetition of this mantra, renewed feelings of faith and excitement began to transform my life. When I realigned myself with my desires and beliefs, it felt like heaven and earth, angels, and energies began to respond to this newfound hope, enabling me on this journey. Creating this website became part of the fulfillment of those hopes and dreams. And it all began with “Every day, in every way, life is getting better and better,” thus, the name for this website was born. This phrase offers hope and signifies improvement, one day at a time---not perfection, but daily improvement. Line upon line, precept upon precept. One step at a time on this journey we call life. As you join me on this journey, you'll learn where I came from and what qualifies me to share this life-changing information with you. You'll find tips, techniques, tools, and powerful thoughts. Really, it's just a beautiful collage of pieces of the puzzle that I call life and all its mysteries. I have found these truths in many simple ways as well as in profound moments of awakening and awareness. I am happy to share the wonderful truths and simple techniques that have made my life so complete and rewarding. So, walk with me for a time. We can share ideas and lift one another. This is a place to offer hope for something even better. We may not be able to change overnight, but we can learn to love more fully, to bloom where we are planted, to lift one another, and make a difference. We may not have the power to change the world, but one person can make a difference in their home, their community, and their nation. And when enough of make a difference, we can change the world!

The lotus flower

May 4, 2014

In the early creation of this blog, I pondered and prayed for just the right logo to represent the intention of this website. I looked at hundreds of symbols and photos, but I just couldn't quite commit to any of them. Then I saw the lotus flower and it totally appealed to me. I asked my daughter to look through dozens of possible logos that I had found. She responded just as I had. The lotus flower felt right. I didn't know anything about the lotus flower, but I loved the beauty of this particular design, especially how there seemed to be a light in the center of it. Out of curiosity, I searched the Internet to find out what the lotus flower symbolized, if anything. To my great delight, I discovered that this beautiful flower is found in muddy, murky waters. At night, it closes up and sinks below the surface, emerging each morning and blooming to reveal its remarkable beauty. Untouched by the impurity of the water, the lotus symbolizes purity and survival, signifying that a darker, trying stage has been overcome. It perseveres through the worst of conditions, yet it rises with beauty and grace. It was perfect! I believe that each one of us is significant and special. Though we all struggle through the adversities of life, with a new perspective, we, too, can rise from the muck and mire of life with experience and wisdom, finding and revealing our true identity in beauty and grace, just like the lotus flower. January 2019: The logo has been updated to one that reflects growth and happiness through the power of divine love, but I will forever treasure the symbol of the lotus flower that reflects the divinity of our souls.

New beginnings ... a blog is born!

Apr 30, 2014

For the past seven years, I have had the privilege to meet with many individuals to facilitate healing energy work and personal empowerment coaching. It's been joyful, amazing, enlightening, miraculous and a great privilege. At times, It has also been challenging, overwhelming, and, if I'm not careful, draining.The techniques I've learned and use are powerful tools for releasing negative thoughts and energies as well as false and limiting beliefs.The principles that have transformed my life and guided me have subsequently empowered others to find their footing on the path of happiness. I'm always amazed at the transformational effect this knowledge and understanding can bring into one's life.The more people I've helped, the more I have realized that there are so many more to help. I think the whole world needs this kind of understanding and healing, but how could I possibly work individually with 100,000, a million, or even hundreds of millions people individually?Over time, I found that, even though I was using my gifts and skills in energy work to help others, I was teaching the same foundational principles over and over and they have been effective in awakening each individual to their own personal worth and the power to create a better life for themselves.Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime.I realized that the best way to empower others with this information was to write it, share it, and teach it. Through this website and possible future books, courses, or other presentations, I will be sharing these insights, thoughts, tools, and techniques with those who are ready.A Safe PlaceThis website is a work in progress. I am a work in progress. We are all a work in progress and fellow sojourners on this journey called life. The thoughts and insights I share are just that, MY thoughts and insights. I seek for truth and it is my desire to share pure truth. However, there is a difference between pure truth, which always has been and always will be true, and then what could be termed my truth and your truth.My truth can be different from your truth, and that doesn't have to make either of us right or wrong. It is just a way to connect, to share, to learn, to seek, to ponder, to gain understanding, and, hopefully, make a difference in the world. It is every individual's privilege and responsibility to discern for themselves what is true.If I say something you don't like or you don't understand or agree with, there is no need to be offended. It is just an opportunity to determine whether each of us is firm in our understanding or open to something different and, perhaps, even better.It is perfectly okay for someone else to think differently from me. However, it is my intention for this to be a safe place to share thoughts and ideas. Growing up I heard, “If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.” It's okay if you disagree with someone, but unkindness, rudeness, or disparaging remarks are unacceptable here. I ask that comments be respectful, helpful, and considerate.This is a place for love and light. If you have love and light to share, please come here often and share it. If you have little to share, I hope you will come here to receive it. Thanks for joining us!